For this last column of 2024, Etiquetteer picks out the top ten columns of the year, for entirely random reasons. You may have different choices; take a look at the index and share what worked for you.
In chronological order:
Etiquetteer may be the only etiquette writer to have put down some rules for how to attend drag brunch, but if you haven’t been — and even if you’re not thinking about going — this will give you a window on what to expect at a function not known for Perfect Propriety. “Tipping is part of the Total Entertainment Experience of drag brunch — Etiquetteer never knew anyone could accept a bill with their teeth — so save yourself some trouble and change those twenties for ones and fives before you get there.”
The home wedding deserves a comeback*, and Etiquetteer shared the story of President Woodrow Wilson’s second wedding at the home of the bride, Mrs. Edith Bolling Galt. “‘Fifteen or twenty would have been a crowd,’ Hoover observed, but President Wilson had told him 40 guests. Unfortunately the combined families took up almost all that space, and they still had to consider Cabinet members and their wives as well as personal friends. ‘. . . there were many keen disappointments on the friend list . . .’”
To celebrate Etiquetteer’s first Auntie Mame Mob cocktail party in March, That Mr. Dimmick shared some important Life Lessons from Auntie Mame: “Mame did not let prejudice or stigma get in the way of loving and learning from people . . . Let’s not forget her entertaining “a distinguished Lithuanian rabbi and two chorus girls from the cast of Blackbirds” the day Mr. Babcock found out about Patrick’s school, too. And especially the way she took down the Upsons over their narrow-minded attitudes. Auntie Mame enjoyed a wide circle of acquaintance, but bigots had no place in it.
A reader with concerns about Facetiming in the gym’s locker room led to a popular column on Locker Room Etiquette: “It is so tempting to respond with a Snappy Comeback, e.g. ‘Is that for your OnlyFans?’ or ‘Are you sure your wife doesn’t know we’re here?’ But that is not Perfectly Proper, and it really will not do anything to help the situation.”
Women’s Jewelry for Men turned out to be popular with readers, as one male reader contemplated how to incorporate his late mother’s jewelry into his own wardrobe: “By all means experiment at home, and seek the advice of someone you trust who can look you over in person and say Yea or Nay. But remember that jewelry is supposed to call attention to the wearer, not itself. That means showing some restraint.”
At the start of summer it was time to explore the Perfect Propriety of iced tea: “Mrs. MacDougall also wrote ‘Don’t forget that the Chinese use no sugar at all — and they know tea.’ She clearly didn’t know the American South, where sweet tea is more than nectar for some; it’s a lifestyle . . . It’s very sweet (which is the point), so it’s not for everyone. Restaurants will ask if you want ‘sweet or unsweet tea.’ Order wisely.”
An Etiquette Education included some interesting bits Etiquetteer picked up after successfully completing the English Manner’s Train the Trainer curriculum: “The reason lemon forks exist (all right, first — surprise, there is such a thing as a lemon fork) is to remove the pips from lemon slices because they affect the way your tea tastes. To which I can only exclaim “Science!” and continue to take my tea black.”
A reader wrote to ask how to handle Inappropriate Dance Floor Behavior in what turned out to be a popular column: “While the presence of masks traditionally encourages unbridled freedom — think of Carnival in Venice — ‘No means No’ is more generally accepted as a Stern Warning than a Clandestine Invitation now, or should be . . . In fact, you updated ‘Sir, you are no gentleman’ for this century.”
Tips on Thanksgiving Manners also proved to be popular: “The only reason one leaves the table mid-meal (besides seconds) is ‘to wash your hands.’ No one needs to know specifically what you’re going to do in the bathroom, for heaven’s sake.”
Etiquetteer examined Six Types of Party Guests and what to do about them: “Nothing is good enough for some people, who share suggestions about how things could have been done differently . . . People forget sometimes that a private home is not a restaurant where one pays for the hospitality one wants. If you don’t want to be invited back (and perhaps you don’t), this is the way to do it . . .”
So . . . farewell, Old Year! It’s been . . . well, it’s been full. Here’s to a New Year of Tenacious Perfect Propriety for all!
*Etiquetteer sees you, Observant and Devout Catholic Readers, ready to pounce with a reminder that Catholic weddings may only be solemnized inside a church and never at home. Etiquetteer covers that very issue in the column.