For those who might need a little refresher in Perfect Propriety at the table before Thanksgiving tomorrow, Etiquetteer has ten tips that should help the Great Feast go smoothly:
If your Thanksgiving dinner is served at table, wait until everyone is served before starting to eat. If it’s a buffet, wait until at least one other person has joined you at the table before starting. Many households include the saying of grace before the start of a meal. Under no circumstances should you begin eating until after grace has been said.
The only screen involved in a Great Feast should be a Coromandel screen masking the kitchen door. That means no television, and especially no phones at the table. It does not matter if The Game is on. Don’t make Etiquetteer come after you.
Remember the handy mnemonic BMW for your place setting: Bread is to the left, your Meal is in the middle, and Water/Wine is to the right. It’s so easy to reach for someone else’s bread plate, especially at a round table. Take care.
Serving dishes are passed to the right in the U.S. They are not properly passed to the left, and they should not be passed across the table. Be patient with those who have difficulty serving themselves. Keep everything moving — don’t let the whole service stack up to your left!
Use the ladle in the gravy boat. Don’t pour out of the spout, which was actually created not for pouring but to rest the handle of the ladle.
Salt and pepper shakers may look alike. If so, go ahead and shake a little into your hand to see what you’re getting yourself into. (Etiquetteer comments more on this here.)
Your napkin goes in your lap, and stays there until you leave the table. If you’re leaving the table for seconds (as happens at the Great Feasts) or to wash your hands, put your napkin on your chair. If you are leaving the table for the final time, casually leave your napkin to the left of your plate.
The only reason one leaves the table mid-meal (besides seconds) is “to wash your hands.” No one needs to know specifically what you’re going to do in the bathroom, for heaven’s sake.
It is thoughtful to ask your hosts how you can help, especially after the meal. And it is even more thoughtful to do what they ask of you, whether that’s hand-washing the silver or leaving them alone to take care of cleanup themselves.
Never assume you’re going home with leftovers, even if it’s a tradition at the Thanksgiving dinner you attend. Sure, bring your containers to be prepared, but leave them in the car or disguised in an opaque tote bag. No one needs to be aware of your mouth-watering, anticipatory gluttony.
Etiquetteer wishes you a beautiful, savory, peaceful, and Perfectly Proper Thanksgiving.