“You should know,” she explained, in an indulgent tone, “that we of the non-useful class depend for our amusement upon departure from precedent. Just now it is a fad to put ice in champagne. The idea was originated by a visiting Prince of Tartary while dining at the Waldorf. It will soon give way to some other whim. Just as at a dinner party this week on Madison Avenue a green kid glove was laid by the plate of each guest to be put on and used while eating olives.” — from “While the Auto Waits,” by O. Henry
Dear Etiquetteer:
We ordered a nice bottle of wine with our dinner at a great restaurant in our neighborhood recently. (We live in a big city.) I was a little wary when the server brought a stemless wineglass for my partner to try the wine first — surely it was only for the initial tasting, right? But no, we were brought stemless glasses after all. Etiquetteer, this is not my favorite choice. Could I have asked the server to bring actual stemmed wineglasses?
The other problem with this otherwise good dinner was the silverware. When our first course plates were cleared, the server carefully moved our used knives and forks from where we had put them across our plates back onto the table so that we could use them for the next course. At those prices, I felt like they needed to up their game and bring clean silver for each course. What should I have said?
Dear Dining:
Etiquetteer sympathizes. When expectations are not met, it can feel disconcerting. Even so, it’s really important not to take it out on the waiter. Front line restaurant staff don’t make decisions about a restaurant’s standard of service, including equipment; they merely carry it out. So be kind in how you bring this up.
Stemless wineglasses are Not Perfectly Proper*, not just because the heat of one’s hands affects the temperature of the wine, but because of the Unsightly Fingerprints. And yet Etiquetteer understands it, of course. They came to be because humans crave novelty. Earlier this century it was novel to serve craft cocktails in Mason jars, as though they were moonshine. When Etiquetteer was served a martini that way in a New York hotel noted for its sophistication — let’s just say the entire experience was Off Brand. Etiquetteer hopes the novelty of a stemless wineglass will fade**.
Had you asked for a stemmed wineglass, though, Etiquetteer doubts the restaurant could have accommodated you. Restaurants and bars have very limited storage for their equipment, and they probably don’t have space for them. Ask politely if you will, but be prepared to grin and bear the stemless to your lips***. If you return, bringing your own glassware might feel right in the moment, but a) it will only call attention from other diners, and b) you then have to take home dirty glasses. Etiquetteer does not recommend this approach.
As to the soiled silver, yes, Etiquetteer shares your, um, revulsion. Used silver is never put back on the table. But some restaurants are Like That. You could have asked “Could you bring us fresh silver, please?” immediately as the waiter was moving the silver. But what if the response had been “No, one knife and fork per person!” The only recourse then would have been to “accidentally” drop your silver onto the floor. Then they would have to bring you fresh silver.
This is an opportunity to vote with your pocketbook. As with any business, if you’re unhappy with the product or service, bring your business elsewhere. But don’t be a Karen about it.
*It’s possible to repurpose them for trifles, parfaits, and other desserts.
**More on the pros and cons of stemless wineglasses may be found in this 2022 article from the Wine Enthusiast.
***When you are a guest in a private home, you absolutely say nothing if you don’t like how something is served. Good heavens!