“We mustn’t despair. Above all things we mustn’t despair.” — Charles Coburn as Sir Simon in The Paradine Case (1947)
To say that Perfect Propriety has taken a beating in the last few weeks would be an understatement. No need to go into why. As we can no longer look above us for good examples of good behavior, it becomes necessary to look around us, and within us. We must take action to reinforce what we believe Perfect Propriety is.
Etiquetteer had to turn back to Emily Post Herself for a little light in the darkness, to her description of Best Society*. New York and Paris “love to be amused, thrilled, and surprised all at the same time” and will welcome anyone who can provide that sensation. (Perhaps this explains the ascent of the kakistocracy . . . ) “Puritan America,” however, ranks “birth, manners and cultivation” above novelty — “but this is because Puritan America, as well as the general public, mistakes the jester for the queen.”
Well, if Best Society isn’t “shock and awe” or the mere accident of birth, what is it, and are we a part of it? Do you think of yourself as part of “an unlimited brotherhood which spreads over the entire surface of the globe, the members of which are invariably people of cultivation and worldly knowledge, who have not only perfect manners but a perfect manner?” Do you aspire to that? Are you reading Etiquetteer? If you answered yes at least once, you’re off to a good start.
How can we band Best Society together in this National Moment? If you think it’s frivolous for Etiquetteer to suggest having a party, you’re not thinking deeply enough about the value of gathering one’s community together. There is comfort and reassurance in assembling around a dinner table or coffee table or kitchen table, or holding up the bar, with people who share your values. Whether you’re better at dinner for six or drinks for 20 or coffee for just one guest at a time, send that invitation. Reach out and reinforce your community.
This is also the time, when hearing an offensive opinion, to raise an eyebrow and ask “Could you repeat that?”, “You don’t really believe that, do you?”, “How did you form that opinion?”, and “Actually, that’s not funny.” Standing up for Perfect Propriety means calling out bad behavior with Perfect Propriety. (Other tips at Mind Journal here.)
Etiquetteer wishes you courage and joy as you begin to consult your calendar and your address book. Don’t delay — now is the time!
*Etiquetteer also turned to this passage just after Election Day, in this piece on Civic Pride.