Hosts and guests need a refresher on getting through the holiday party circuit happily and with Perfect Propriety. It can be done! Herewith, a few tips, not just from Etiquetteer.
Etiquetteer has long said “For maximum fun potential, arrive early.” But the great Shirley Bassey said it even more forcefully: “You better get this party started!” Don’t wait around. Show up in the first 15 minutes. The hosts will be relieved people are actually there.
The late Sarah Bernhardt had two words she used to make guests feel especially welcome. When someone arrived she would exclaim “Enfin!”* to indicate that she had been eagerly awaiting them. And when they came to bid farewell, she would ask “Déjà?” in a regretful tone, perhaps cocking her head a little, to show sadness that their time together had come to an end.**
For many people, COVID is still an important, anxious factor in going out. The pandemic has made us more sympathetic to last-minute cancellations due to illness (or should have). If you’re experiencing symptoms, please be prudent.
Joan Crawford includes Noel Coward’s praise of her in her book My Way of Life: “‘Joan not only gives a party, she goes to it.’ I think that’s one secret of a good party: all the arrangements seem so effortless as if they floated down from a nearby cloud and the hostess had nothing to do but enjoy herself.” Spoken like a hostess who could hire help and did, but the point remains for those of us who can’t. When you have to do it all yourself, the arrangements seem effortless at the party when you put rigorous attention into the details beforehand.***
If you are bringing wine, as many people do, don’t expect to be served what you’ve brought, especially on arrival.
The best hors d’oeuvres are those that leave nothing behind. Toothpicks and shrimp tails are inconvenient enough, not to mention lamb bones from those succulent lamb lalas (or whatever they’re called). But porcelain spoons for meatballs and other tasty bits, and even demitasse cups for soup sips — as that precious woman said in Unzipped, “Fussy, finished!” Keep your refreshments simple.
More wisdom from Joan Crawford: “Even with a buffet, people must sit down to eat. You just can’t ask guests to stand around balancing a plate, silver, a serviette****, and trying to find a fourth hand for a glass of wine.” She’s not wrong!*****
Party conversations swirl like river currents, which means they can begin and end abruptly. Don’t feel offended if you weren’t able to finish that story because the other guest was tapped on the shoulder by a long-lost friend. Just keep moving.
Lady Macbeth was perhaps a bit brusque when she told her dinner guests “At once, good night. Stand not upon the order of your going, but go at once.”****** Great-Grandmother Dougherty was more succinct: “If ya gonna go, go!” Don’t bring your hosts to the point where they’re ordering you out of the house. Leave early enough that your departure is regretted — so that when Sarah Bernhardt asks you “Déjà?” she really does miss you already.
Now you knew Etiquetteer would say this . . . send a Lovely Note of Thanks afterward! If you time it correctly, your holiday card can double for this purpose.
Now sally forth and have a good time!
*Etiquetteer has been known to exclaim “Finalmente!” for much the same reason.
**Etiquetteer just cannot find the source of this charming little bit at the moment.
***My Way of Life, page 78.
****“Serviette” is never Perfectly Proper; she could be the French maid. Always say “napkin.”
*****My Way of Life, page 78.
******Macbeth, Act III, scene iv