For National Weddings Month, a few random thoughts about Perfect Propriety at weddings:
A good wedding guest does not upstage the bride by arriving late. That means knowing in advance not just when to be at the church, but how you’re getting there, including driving directions. To Etiquetteer this means not waiting until getting into the car to look at GPS, but actually figuring it out the day before.
If they’ve said No Photos/No Social Media on the invitation, confirmation, or anywhere, obey. Scooping the Happy Couple might give you a momentary thrill, but it is not worth risking your relationship with them. That naughty Walter Winchell snuck a keyhole camera into Jeanette MacDonald’s wedding to Gene Raymond, despite their photography ban, but the lighting was so low it malfunctioned. Served him right.*
Etiquetteer is not a fan of the sweetheart table. If you didn’t want to spend time with your wedding guests, why did you even invite them?
Remember dahlings, what is fashionable is not always stylish. You don’t want to go back to those photos 20 years later and ask “What on earth was I thinking?” The old advice is the best: you can never go wrong with a classic.
Normalize understanding that everyone you want at the wedding is just not going to be able to be there — and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or approve of the marriage. Be gracious when people decline.
It’s a myth that Happy Couples have a year to write Lovely Notes of Thanks for wedding gifts and other Acts of Consideration/Celebration. As soon as the engagement is announced, order your stationery and write them as you receive gifts. Aside from being Perfectly Proper, you will build goodwill and Happy Feelings in your community — always a good foundation for a marriage.
If you’ve been invited to both the wedding and the reception, it is not Perfectly Proper to show up just for the reception because you’re afraid you’ll be bored during the service.
And finally — and you’ve heard this before — the receiving line is not the place to have a conversation with the Happy Couple. Of course you want to congratulate them in person, but remember all the people in line behind you and keep it short.