Over on Instagram, Old Soul Etiquette (the marvelous Mariah Grumet, you must follow her) has suggested that one of the In Things for 2025 needs to be “host gifts that aren’t wine.” And let’s face it, the Bottle Handover can sometimes feel like Payment for Services Rendered*. So let’s look at the custom of giving a gift to one’s hosts and consider some options — particularly since Etiquetteer received some thoughtful gifts yesterday after hosting an afternoon party.
A hostess gift is, first of all, a gift for the hosts to enjoy later, not something expected to be used or consumed during the party. Experts differ on whether or not gifts are required; some say “Never arrive emptyhanded,” others believe a Lovely Note of Thanks sent the next day is more important, and still others say to do both. Etiquetteer firmly believes that you are Not a Bad Person if you don’t bring a hostess gift, but it’s charming and thoughtful when you do.
If wine, especially red wine, is the default hostess gift, fresh flowers run a close second. Some hosts complain vigorously (but not to their guests) that having to find a vase and arrange a bouquet while simultaneously welcoming guests, taking coats, and pouring drinks is Too Much to Deal With. Etiquetteer (who loves fresh flowers) would remind them that the inconvenience is momentary, and would encourage guests to consider a small potted plant instead.
Chocolates and other foodstuffs are often good choices, too. Etiquetteer has occasionally been brought lovely boxes of chocolate so beautiful it has been a struggle between sharing them immediately or saving the entire box to gorge on later. But a food gift doesn’t have to be candy. Yesterday, for instance, a guest brought Etiquetteer a bottle of herb-infused olive oil — something to lend depth to some standard recipes. Still another guest brought a small bottle of small batch gin from a specialty distiller.
Finally, the theme or novelty gift that has something to do with a party theme or a special interest of the hosts could make a hit. Yesterday’s gathering was to tell fortunes for the New Year, and a guest brought as a gift an unusual deck of tarot cards, exactly tying into the party’s purpose. But these could also be small paperback books, suncatchers, votive candles, magnets, etc. Use your imagination, and your knowledge of your hosts’ interests.
Etiquetteer wishes you joy as you consider how to thank your hosts for a good time.
*But not if the hosts have asked for guests to bring wine.