Dear Etiquetteer:
I have a problem with my next door neighbor’s teenage son. We find beer bottles in our garbage can, and found another bottle today. We repeatedly find plastic bottles, cans, candy wrappers thrown over from their side over our stone wall. I’ve noticed when I take our dogs out, there is no trash in the yard, but when the son comes home there is. I’ve been throwing their trash back in their yard. This has happened several times that I’ve noticed the trash in my yard when he comes home.
My question is: should I talk to his parents? They may or may not believe what I’m saying. I have no proof. I thought about installing a camera. My gut instinct says to chat with a parent. But again, no real proof. Any thoughts?
Dear Belabored Neighbor:
Documentation is not such a bad idea; you might start photographing the litter before you pick it up. Etiquetteer is not sure what the parents are like or the kind of relationship you have with them, but no problem like this is solved without communication. Rather than accuse their son openly, say that you’ve noticed beer bottles and other litter on your property at a particular time of day — you can explain that it happens while you’re out walking the dog — ask them if they’ve seen anything, and ask if their son has seen anything. That would alert all the residents that you’re watching without actually accusing anyone of littering on your property. If they have two synapses to rub together they’ll figure out that the time the litter appears coincides with their son’s return home.
If the problem persists, then you might get a video camera.
Etiquetteer very much hopes that this can be solved responsibly by the parents.
Dear Etiquetteer:
After your piece about hostess gifts, and flowers being OK, I fear I am now going to be difficult. Hmm . . . so as a guest I need not consider the demands my gift puts on my host? And as a host, among the many things I need to do before guests arrive is find and put water into a possibly unneeded vase of maybe the wrong size and stash it out of the way? Sorry, I’m poking and being difficult, but cut flowers are not an easy for hosts to handle, especially if I am already cooking a dinner.
Dear Hostess(es):
One strategy, of course, is to lead by quiet example and never under any circumstances bring fresh flowers as a gift when you are the guest. That whole “Do unto others” Golden Rule thing sometimes makes a difference.
Something a little more daring is to put the giver in charge of arranging them. “Oh, aren’t they beautiful?! There’s a vase in the cupboard at the far left, would you take them into the kitchen and arrange them? I’m turning the roast/mixing drinks/greeting guests/hanging coats/texting directions/all of the above, thank you so much!” For this to be truly effective, you must know where your vases and scissors are. Even so, Etiquetteer is pretty sure that after that assignment, they’ll never bring flowers without a vase again.