Etiquetteer

Dear Etiquetteer: How can black dresses for bridesmaids be outlawed?

Dear Blacked:

One of the drawbacks of living in a nation of Freedoms is that people have Freedom of Taste. While they have the Freedom to express Good Taste, they also have the Freedom to express Bad Taste, or at least the Freedom to Ignore Good Examples. So alas, black dresses for bridesmaids will be with us while the Bridal Industry declares them fashionable.

Etiquetteer considers that this trend began because brides wanted their bridal parties to look sophisticated rather than, well, bridal. Reverting to black is a rather unimaginative way to to do, as it's more than possible to present a sophisticated appearance in other colors than black. Even navy blue is magnificently sophisticated without being black! Surely there is a Happy Balance somewhere between Girlish Pink Tulle and Mourning Black Satin, yes?

What Etiquetteer would like to see changed most is the slavish devotion to strapless gowns for brides and their attendants. As the late Edith Head, one of the great costume designers of 20th century Hollywood, famously said, "Fit the dress to the girl, not the girl to the dress!" Not every figure is flattered by a strapless gown. But Fashion is a fickle goddess, and brides may only "repent at leisure" having indulged in the excesses of their times. Remember all those headbands with gigantic poufs of veiling behind them in the 1980s?

Which leads Etiquetteer to conclude with the timeless advice "You can never go wrong with a classic."

Dear Etiquetteer:

I recently received a wedding invitation that indicated the attire to be "Black Tie Optional.” I was planning on wearing a black silk charmeuse dress with champagne satin accents. The dress, however, is not floor length, but mid-calf. Is this acceptable for an evening, "Black Tie Optional" wedding? And further, should my husband wear a tuxedo, or will a dark grey pinstriped suit suffice? Any guidance on being Perfectly Proper would be appreciated!

Dear Charmeuse:

Etiquetteer deplores the designation “black tie optional.” It’s neither fish nor fowl. One should either dress all the way or not. Since it is always a greater sin to be overdressed than underdressed, Etiquetteer must insist that your husband wear a dark suit and NOT a tuxedo.

As for you, Etiquetteer warns that these days if you wear black to a wedding you’re likely to be mistaken for one of the bridesmaids. Nevertheless, a mid-calf or “tea length” dress is Perfectly Proper for such a wedding as you describe.

Dear Etiquetteer:

I have a blue seersucker suit, but am confused as to what shoes to wear with it. I have a pair of slip-on light brown loafers with tassel. Will this work, or am I just plain tacky?

Dear Seared:

Etiquetteer rejoiced a couple weeks ago when the time came to bring out his own blue seersucker suit for the summer. Many kind people have commented on it, to which Etiquetteer usually replies that they, too, have the power to wear seersucker.

The most Perfectly Proper shoe to wear with a seersucker suit is a pair of white bucks. But of course that’s only Perfectly Proper between Memorial Day and Labor Day. When wearing your seersucker on more casual occasions, Etiquetteer has no objection to tassel loafers . . . but expects some Nantucket red-wearing readers to object strenuously.