It’s National Cocktail Day, and Etiquetteer has ten tips to help you negotiate that Prohibition-born form of American entertainment, the cocktail party.
It’s hostly to offer drinks as soon as guests are out of their coats, and it’s guestly (to coin a word) not to take all night deciding what to have. By all means ask what’s in it if you’ve been offered something unfamiliar — you do have a Right to Know What You’re Drinking — but this is not the time for an extended discussion of ingredients, methods, etc. The host(s) need to fix drinks for all the guests, not just you.
Cocktails are properly made individually and not in batches*, so hosts should consider their abilities to perform under pressure. It may be that serving punch, wine and beer, or drinks with only two ingredients is the best way to keep the party going smoothly.
Hors d’oeuvres are snacks, not dinner — at least as a rule; don’t be greedy. “Heavy hors d’oeuvres” has become a popular reassurance that we won’t starve, but we have all been to those parties where guests wait near the kitchen door to ambush the waiters. It’s not a good look.
Etiquetteer loves an hors d’oeuvre that comes without leftovers — bones, shells, toothpicks, spoons, what have you — but lamb lollipops, shrimp cocktail, and scallops or water chestnuts wrapped in bacon remain mouthwateringly popular. Use a cocktail plate to dispose of the detritus, or wrap up the smaller bits in a napkin to hide in your pockets.
Like most parties, cocktail parties are designed to get people to talk to each other. That means you should come prepared actually to talk to people. Skim the news and know what’s going on. If you’re conversationally averse, a question about travel will generally get people going.
Cocktail conversations, particularly at large parties, are light as bubbles — which means they can end abruptly. Don’t take it personally when someone needs to Circulate elsewhere. Conversely, it’s a real talent to break away with an air of Infinite Regret, but it’s worth cultivating.
It’s OK to say “No thank you.” Declining a drink doesn’t make you a bad guest.
It’s not OK to say “One more won’t hurt you!” or something similar. “No means No,” as the children say nowadays. Many of us forget that excessive consumption is not the goal of a cocktail party — spirited conversation is. Channel your solicitude from pushing the booze into more generally comfy vibes that encourage talk.
Know your limits. Dorothy Parker had a point when she famously said “One more drink and I’ll be under the host.” Listen to your body and detect when you’re about to go off the rails. Then stop drinking ten minutes before that. You see?
Remember dahlings, it’s endurance, not speed that counts. Let’s not forget Agnes Gooch and the Pink Whiskers . . .
Etiquetteer wishes you many stimulating and Perfectly Proper gatherings!
Jack Webb (at right) knew his limits and served punch to William Holden in Sunset Boulevard.
*That said, earlier this winter Etiquetteer spent most of one gathering making aviations by the pitcher, so thirsty and enthusiastic were the guests. This was an expedient rather than a polished approach, and it underlines that a one-person operation really does need to judge carefully what can and can’t be accomplished well when in the thick of a party.