Today Etiquetteer cedes the floor to That Mr. Dimmick Who Thinks He Knows So Much to talk about an unlikely early influence on his Perfect Propriety, “America’s Favorite Relative,” the dazzling Auntie Mame.
Children’s literature is full of eccentric characters who present as out of the ordinary, who lead children on exciting adventures during which they learn Valuable Lessons to bring back to their drab daily lives. Think of Mary Poppins, the Cat in the Hat, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle or Beezus and Ramona’s Aunt Beatrice. My guide turned out to be Miss Mame Dennis, the dazzling relative who inherits a ten-year-old nephew after the death of her brother. “For both of us it was love,” Patrick Dennis wrote, “and the experience was unique.”
Auntie Mame burst into my life when I was 11 and Mame, the movie musical starring Lucille Ball, aired on TV*. That led me to discover a previously unnoticed book on our well-stocked bookshelves: Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade, the original 1955 novel published just in time for my mother’s cousin Jeannette to give it to her as a frivolous wedding gift. I still have it, and also the tiny gift card inside. “To Josie, We’d love to hear you chuckle over this. Will your new husband like such fluff? Jenny.” (The answer to that question was, of course, No, he did not.)
Even so, Auntie Mame quickly became an obsession with her colorful wardrobe, her sparkling conversation, and her courage to speak out against prejudice and Do the Right Thing. As a role model, she offered a lot to emulate; but with a closer reading later in life, some bad habits to avoid, too.
First, Mame placed a value on education and acquiring broad knowledge, not just for Patrick, but for herself. She cultivated people with expertise and wide-ranging ideas, and she read extensively on all sorts of subjects, and in at least one other language. At the end of the book we learn she’s been involved in educational reform in India. Mame never ceased her quest for “the Brave, the Experimental, the Exciting, the New, the Modern.”
This leads, however, to her Achilles heel: her too-casual relationship with the truth. Her problems (and Patrick’s) begin when she brazenly deceives Mr. Babcock about Patrick’s schooling. She’d have gotten better results if she’d sent Patrick to Buckley as discussed and then tutored him with experts of her own choosing. Bragging about her mythical equestrian prowess also got her in humiliating, life-threatening hot water with Sally Cato MacDougall, her husband Beau’s vengeful old flame.
As the children say nowadays, though, Mame fakes it ’til she makes it. By a miracle and a sidesaddle Mame survives her hunting trial, vanquishing wicked Sally Cato. When wiped out by the Wall Street Crash, Mame persists in careers — publishing, interior design, modern art gallerist, vendeuse, fashion model, speakeasy hostess, personal shopper, door-to-door saleswoman, secretary, playwright, switchboard operator, realtor, and actress — until she found something that (almost) worked, roller skate retail. Whatever anyone says, Mame has endurance.
Mame did not let prejudice or stigma get in the way of loving and learning from people. At a time when unwed mothers were sent firmly to the Wrong Side of the Tracks, look how she welcomed Agnes Gooch like a mother hen after “grade Z poet Brian O’Bannion” robbed her of her virtue. Let’s not forget her entertaining “a distinguished Lithuanian rabbi and two chorus girls from the cast of Blackbirds” the day Mr. Babcock found out about Patrick’s school, too. And especially the way she took down the Upsons over their narrow-minded attitudes. Auntie Mame enjoyed a wide circle of acquaintance, but bigots had no place in it.
Finally, Auntie Mame was known for her parties, and having a reputation as a good hostess is a mighty find reputation to have. “We circulated among Auntie Mame’s old friends from her New York days and her new ones from her Bombay nights,” Patrick said of the party that ends the novel. “It was a party in the Grand Manner, recalling Auntie Mame’s crushes of the late twenties. Everybody you ever heard of was there, and I must admit that, compared to the standardized cocktail gatherings and dinners in Verdant Greens, it was brilliant.” Here’s where we see the value of cultivating and maintaining an expansive community of friends.
The famous 1958 film** took as its theme the kaleidoscope, which both sparkles and reflects, but is necessarily unstable. I would probably choose an opal to represent Auntie Mame: brittle and fragile, yes — but just as bright and fascinating, and more enduring. She remains a role model for me all these years later — for good or ill — and I encourage you to make her acquaintance if you haven’t yet.
*Lucy was famously and justly panned for her performance, but see it for Bea Arthur as Vera Charles (“Someone’s been sleeping in my dress”) and Kirby Furlong as Young Patrick Dennis.
** Rosalind Russell’s performance as Mame remains the definitive.