“A lady never starts on her emeralds until she has all her diamonds.” — from How to Set Up for a Mah-jongg Game and Other Lost Arts, by Carol E. Rinzler and Joan Gelman
With Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s Platinum Jubilee concluding, Etiquetteer’s thoughts have turned to the Perfect Propriety of diamonds. Not specifically to the Queen’s diamonds, but when, where, and how the rest of us might wear them.
The only people left who are expected to appear drenched in gems would be female royalty*. And frankly, Etiquetteer would like to see the younger ladies in the Family Firm up their game. One remaining reason for royalty is spectacle, and One Important Piece (read: a large stone) should remain part of the spectacle. Her Majesty has set the tone with her famous collection of brooches; the younger ladies would do well to follow her example, especially if Gan-Gan is willing to share.
But what about us commoners? Since the Gilded Age, ostentatious display of bling has not been considered Perfectly Proper during the day. Coco Chanel’s old advice — “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off” — remains good advice. Jewels enhance your appearance; you do not exist as a Jewelry Display System. If people notice your diamonds before they notice you, those diamonds are working against you. (Etiquetteer has written more about a lady’s jewelry here.)
The one exception, according to Emily Post**, is a gala night at the opera. “. . . ball dresses are worn in the boxes and head-dresses [read: tiaras] and as many jewels as one chooses — or has.” The old-fashioned term is “a brilliant opera night.” Another used to be a Court of St. James presentation, which ended in 1958, when dowagers (but not debutantes) would stick on every diamond they owned.
You may feel like the Vatican is suitably grand for some showpiece diamonds, but you’d be wrong. Amy Vanderbilt*** informs us that for papal audiences, that’s a big no-no. Only functional jewelry is permitted: wedding and engagement rings, a plain pin that actually fastens your clothes, and maybe a string of pearls. But bright stones are not allowed, and earrings are considered “too frivolous.” For gentlemen, jewelry should be “as inconspicuous as possible and without colored stones, with the possible exception of amethysts.”
For gentlemen, Esquire Etiquette used to advise against “too obvious stones.” And Emily Post pulls no punches. “Nothing is more vulgar than a display of ‘ice’ on a man’s shirt front, or on his fingers.”** She softens her stance a bit later — “. . . waistcoat buttons and cuff links may be jewelled and valuable, but they must not have big precious stones or be conspicuous.” And really, conspicuousness is the key. In this century, it’s one thing for a man to wear diamonds — rings, stud earrings, pendants, have all become more usual — but quite another for a man to make you aware, through his manner and gestures, that he is wearing diamonds. (Eitquetteer has written more about a gentleman’s jewelry here.)
And that, to Etiquetteer, is the key to wearing diamonds in this century. For ladies or gentlemen, the trick to wearing diamonds**** with distinction, with Perfect Propriety, is to do so as though there was nothing special about wearing them. This means without a lot of flashing gestures, preening, reference to Lorelei Lee, and expressions along the lines of “Gee, don’t it sparkle?” or '“Yo, catch my bling.”
When making All About Eve, Joe Mankiewicz told Bette Davis that her character, Margo Channing, “treats a mink coat like a poncho.” That is how to wear diamonds now — but Etiquetteer will still tell you that before 5:00 PM, less is more.
*The men used to bedizen themselves, too, but that rather fell out of fashion with the French Revolution.
**Etiquette, 1922.
***Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette: A Guide to Gracious Living, 1954
****I don’t mean rhinestones.