“But I’ve been in front of this particular ballet on more than one occasion, and I really must . . . there are one or two things I really must put right.” — Marius Goring as Julian Craster in The Red Shoes (1948)
As more and more people are entertaining at home again (the uncertainty of the pandemic notwithstanding), Etiquetteer believes it will be helpful to review how to set the table with Perfect Propriety. A refresher course is never a bad idea.
We start with a knife, fork, and spoon. Those are the basics. Don’t set more than you need beyond this. (Some of you may argue that you don’t use the spoon, or the knife, or the fork, etc. Thanks for pointing that out, but these still make up the basic table setting. If they go unused and you just return them to the silverware drawer without washing, Etiquetteer will be carefully examining your bookshelves at the time.)
Forks go on the left. Knives and spoons go on the right. Never the reverse. If it’s a very simple meal and the knife, fork, and spoon are set together as a group, they go to the left of the plate, never to the right. The knife blade always faces in, toward the plate, never out. Miss Manners has even declared that the knife blade faces in regardless of whether or not we’re at war; read that column here.
Might forks and spoons ever be placed upside down? Improbably, the answer is yes — a holdover from the days when silver was monogrammed on the underside. And indeed, Etiquetteer just observed such a setting in a little French bistro. But Etiquetteer finds this more effective when the silver actually is monogrammed on the underside.
b is for bread and 👌 is for drink.
Glasses go to the right, and your bread plate (if there is one) to the left. Remember the “bread drink'“ mnemonic with your thumbs and fingers. When you make the OK sign with your left hand, if forms a lower case b — for bread, obviously. And with your right hand it forms a d, for drink. Anyone suggesting that b might be for booze, and that glasses should therefore be placed at left, is being deliberately provocative and will be sent to the foot of the table.
Sometimes a table is too closely set and table settings overlap awkwardly. Etiquetteer just attended a dinner with ten people seated at a round table and had to reach through the left-hand neighbor’s wineglasses (on her right) to reach the bread plate (on Etiquetteer’s left). People do forget what’s supposed to belong to whom; please be understanding with fellow diners.
Never have more than three pieces of silverware on either side of the plate at any one time. If you’re serving a meal of so many courses that more silver than that is required, just remember that Etiquetteer is available as an “extra man” to help fill the table — as a guest, not an under butler.
The only fork that goes on the right is an oyster fork, which is much smaller than other forks and, uniquely, rests in the bowl of the soup spoon. If you don’t have oyster forks, luncheon forks may be used in a pinch. If you’re serving oysters on your back porch direct from the ice, you really just need a good shucking knife, fingers of steel, and good health insurance for when the knife pierces a finger.
Dessert silver — a fork and a spoon — go at the top of the place setting for more formal meals. The spoon goes on top pointing toward the left, the fork beneath it pointing to the right. (Etiquetteer always forgets this and has to consult Millicent Fenwick’s Vogue’s Book of Etiquette: A Complete Guide to Traditional Forms and Modern Usage.) Mrs. Fenwick notes that both implements are used for ice cream — the spoon is needed for what melted while you were engrossed in conversation — “But for some reason, when one is given the two implements, as one is for dessert, it is more attractive not to use the spoon only.” In this century, Etiquetteer finds this Just a Bit Precious, but please continue to set both.
Napkins can go in three possible places: in the center of the plate, to the left (underneath or to the left of the silver), or exuberantly and elaborately folded into a wineglass. But that might be a bit flash.
These are just a few of the basics, not an exhaustive list of dos and don’ts. And what do you do if you’re invited to dine at a table incorrectly set? The best etiquette advice is always the simplest: shut up and eat.