Etiquetteer is feeling a little scattershot today, flitting about like a magpie from one thing to another.
Let’s start with Father’s Day. As it happens, 2020 is the 110th anniversary of the first Father’s Day, and 2022 will be the 50th anniversary of Father’s Day as a nationwide holiday. Etiquetteer’s thoughts inevitably turn to Dear Father today, and this year particularly to two pieces of advice that have aged well. The first is a motto he put on the wall of his office: “Success isn’t final. Failure isn’t fatal.” The other is the way he would conclude all his letters: “BE as great as you ARE,” a direct appeal to one’s better nature - and recognition that a better nature is there, even if we ourselves can’t quite see it.
Dear Father identified with the struggle of the King in The King and I of how to navigate through life. “A Puzzlement” was his favorite number in the show, and his guiding sentiment was one of its last lines: “Every day I do my best for one more day.” And when you think about it, that’s one of the best examples any parent could set for any child. Thank you, Dear Father, for your good example.
From the inbox, a reader took exception to the question about how to handle alcohol online:
Dear Etiquetteer:
My recovery is mine. It is not up to other people to manage or protect my thoughts, field of vision, or interactions. That's all mine to address. The response to being offered a drink is "No. Thank you." The response to seeing lots of alcohol is look in the other direction. The response to being among people who are under the influence is to leave. Note: All these actions are mine.
Dear Reader:
You’re absolutely right. Personal responsibility is at the core of recovery from addiction. And yet Etiquetteer does feel a certain sympathy for the reader who wrote that question, because sometimes it does feel like the internet is just floating away on a tide of booze! Etiquetteer can almost see a shoal of those little paper cocktail umbrellas drifting through every social media platform, like buoys on an endless reservoir of Temptation. It must feel difficult when all you want is a safe space and every click or swipe just presents another drink you don’t want.
But again, that’s where personality responsibility solves the problem. Curating one’s feed to eliminate Frequent Imbibers and to cultivate Companions in Sobriety is something no one else can do for you.
In other news, it is distressing to continue to read about fellow citizens without masks behaving rudely when asked to mask. The latest “coughing Karen” episode took place in a New York bagel shop. With Manhattan an American epicenter of the coronavirus, Etiquetteer finds it astonishing that anyone there would not appreciate the heightened anxiety of fellow citizens about coughing in a food store without making any attempt to cover it, whether they believed they had COVID-19 antibodies or not. It’s not just Not Perfectly Proper, it’s Absolutely Inexcusable. Please, ladies and gentlemen, follow local guidelines, show consideration to others, and wear a mask in public.
Lastly, public officials got reminded at least to look like they’re paying attention during public meetings. Last Thursday, East Baton Rouge Parish School Board member Connie Bernard received a blistering critique from a fellow citizen who observed her dress shopping on her laptop during a public meeting of the school board. It didn’t help her cause that the meeting was to discuss racism.
As a veteran of many, many committee meetings, Etiquetteer can testify how easy it is for one’s attention to wander. Nevertheless, when one is in a public meeting and one’s computer screen can be clearly visible, Discretion is advised. It appears that Ms. Bernard’s success is not final, but it’s not yet clear if her failure is fatal.
And that should be quite enough for today! Should Etiquetteer be commenting on other things? Please drop a line with your suggestions.