Dear Etiquetteer:
I am a recovering alcoholic who has no problem with you and every other non-problem drinker enjoying alcohol as much as you like - as long as you don't expect me to do so. I have been reticent about registering any impatience with the flood of Instagram posts about people's favorite cocktails, wines, liquors, ales, beers, hard ciders, marcs, aperitifs, digestifs, etc. Most people are puzzled by what seems to be one of the few yawn-inducing Facebook habits that migrated to Instagram - plates of food posts - as opposed to something you're actually preparing yourself. But they don't seem to be miffed by the explosion of alcohol splashing that is going on. Some of it is done by influencers and wannabes or are outright adverts like the Breaking Bad stars pushing their tequila.
My problem is how can I let people know that they are possibly - and I hate to use this word - triggering people with substance abuse problems? Then I read this article from The Guardian, “Can we all agree to stop Instagramming our cocktails?” by David Ferguson, and realized I wasn't alone. Is there any way to gently suggest that if you want to celebrate your love for alcohol you should do so in the company of your fellow drinkers? Would anyone really enjoy being accosted in a hotel lobby by someone suggesting we all have a Negroni right now? I know there is probably no solution, but while I have been fortunate in staying sober for ten years, it is a daily struggle for many. I know that many people can't socialize without drinking or simply can't "celebrate" without alcohol. Perhaps they ought to consider those of us who can't do so.
Dear Sober:
First, congratulations on ten years of sobriety, a beautiful achievement that Etiquetteer knows took a lot of hard work and tenacity. Your concern for others in recovery who might be triggered by alcohol-oriented social media is to be commended. This is an issue that's been exacerbated by the quarantine leaving us all at home, and not always thinking imaginatively about boredom. The impact on everyone in recovery hasn't really been considered. The hashtag #drinkresponsibly may not make it easier for you.
But you’re right, there isn’t a solution that involves other people changing their behavior. Social media users posting their tipples may already think they are doing so “in the company of fellow drinkers,” as you say. It isn’t fair to expect everyone to self-censor, assuming that there’s always someone in recovery following their Instagram feed.
The solution is in how you yourself choose to interact on social media. Back before the pandemic, when real life was conducted in person and not over screens, if someone in recovery was feeling too tempted in a social situation, they would leave that situation.* In your social media life, can you create for yourself an alcohol-free zone? This may mean unfollowing or muting Frequent Imbibers. Celebrities and influencers will not care, but with personal friends or colleagues, you might mention that you need to step back from the Heavy Tide of Booze you’re seeing.
Awareness of a problem is an important part of solving that problem. How comfortable are you making others aware of the dangers of relapse through your own posts? Could you post content like Mr. Ferguson’s interesting article from The Guardian or other content that counters alcohol consumption? Maybe something related to one of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or of their Daily Reflection? Not everyone is comfortable going public with their recovery status - that’s a very personal choice - and Etiquetteer is the first to respect their privacy. Declaring your own social media feeds as Alcohol-Free Zones does not expose you, though, and may also signal to others in recovery that you are a Social Media Safe Space.
Etiquetteer wishes you a safe, nurturing journey through social media with the non-alcoholic beverage of your choice.
*Etiquetteer knows this from personal experience. Many years ago, Etiquetteer pointed a freshly-arriving party guest directly toward the bar. He instead made a U-turn for the door, and never returned. Only later did Etiquetteer discover that this gentleman was in recovery, and that the sight of that many bottles made him feel very insecure. Etiquetteer felt terrible, and would have chosen to see that friend in different circumstances rather than make him feel awkward.