“Style not only dictates what comprises substance, it is substance. The forms that politics take and the styles in which they are presented affect and reflect degrees of social freedom and equality. How rulers implement political power and resolve conflicts — that is, their political style — profoundly affects the way citizens perceive their government and themselves as a nation among nations. Style (and here the line between social and political blurs beyond all recovery) creates symbols and institutions that bind people to the political system and to a government they may or may not consider theirs [emphasis Etiquetteer’s]. In this capacity style can facilitate or restrict the ability of men and women to act on their political impulses. For American history, then, style is crucial to evaluating the processes of democracy.”
— Parlor Politics: In Which the Ladies of Washington Help Build a City and a Government, Catherine Allgor (2001)
The United States of America has all the feelings after yesterday’s news of Joe Biden’s victory, from ecstasy to rage. We are now more divided than at any point since 1860. But now it’s ideological, not regional. Etiquetteer was impressed with the high number of counties with near even party responses, say 47% to 48%. Now no one can be voted off the island. We must all hang together, as Benjamin Franklin said, or we will surely hang separately! And of course Etiquetteer would rather see us hang together at a good dinner party — just as soon as the coronavirus is under control.
And the White House will be a great place to have it. While the focus has been on President-elect Biden and Vice President-elect Harris, Etiquetteer wants to consider the role of Dr. Jill Biden as our new First Lady in helping heal the seismic national divisions. How can Dr. Biden use the Biden White House to bring us together?
Melania Trump did not maintain a high profile as hostess beyond a couple state dinners (which were beautifully done) and decorating for Christmas. Etiquetteer is grateful for her example as a reminder to America that the First Lady is unsalaried*, Volunteer Number One, and she really doesn’t have to do anything but stay upstairs like Letitia Tyler and Margaret Taylor.** America is getting two workers for one President’s salary; sometimes, with our First Lady expectations, we forget that.
There are three First Ladies whose examples could guide Dr. Biden: Dolley Madison, Jackie Kennedy (of course), and Lady Bird Johnson. In their own ways and styles, they kept the community together, created intimate opportunities for the exchange of ideas, or provided access to that sanctum sanctorum, the White House residence on the second floor.
Dolley Madison forged a truly interesting society out of still-scrappy Washington City by instituting a weekly dinner and what was then called a “drawing room,” a weekly evening reception. The dinners, never for more than 30, included “congressmen, distinguished visitors, and members of the diplomatic corps . . . all Washington hosts and guests recognized them as ‘powerful political factors . . . and even more so under the tactful sway of “Queen Dolly.”’” She swept out Jefferson’s chaotic “pell mell” etiquette, making an informal atmosphere more possible by making everyone more comfortable. Diners tend to relax if they know they’re not going to have to fight for their food.
And because she was a much better conversationalist than her husband, Dolley put herself at the head the table. In this position she “[directed] the flow of conversation, expressing her own opinion to legislators, and persuading them to accept her husband’s views. If she was not always successful in this endeavor, she went far toward softening her husband’s rivals.” Her triumph was creating the White House as a destination for the politically engaged of all stripes. Her dinner invitations were coveted.
Among Jackie Kennedy’s many innovations to White House entertaining, she created the President’s Dining Room on the second floor, cozier than the others. There she hosted a series of small dinners (for four to 20) for a wide variety of people outside politics for the most part. They were often people from the arts and what were then termed “newspaper people.” “I want my husband to be able to leave the office, even for a few hours,” she told Chief Usher J.B. West. “I want to surround him with the bright people who can hold his interest and divert his mind from what’s going on over there!”***
The President’s Dining Room during the Kennedy Administration. Photo from JFK Library.
Her formula — black tie, candlelight, four courses (fish, entrée, salad, dessert) — became the fashion, as just about everything Jackie did, did. But it was an innovation that led to much better conversation than you get at a cocktail party, and therefore to a greater sense of community.
Both the Johnsons shook things up deliberately to improve relations with Congress. They were uniquely qualified to do so after LBJ’s years as Senate Majority Leader. Instead of the traditional evening reception, they held “working parties” for smaller groups (two for the Senate and ten for the House). First there would be a working session in the East Room for Congress, while Lady Bird would host a program for spouses with speakers on White House history that often concluded with a tour of the second floor residence. Then everyone would come together for a buffet dinner perhaps followed by dancing. Etiquetteer is not really a fan of buffets, and mentions this specifically because of its focus on Congress and Congressional spouses.
Etiquetteer’s vision for bringing together America in the Biden White House is pretty simple: invite Influential Citizens from around the country for dinner and get them talking. Advances in transportation and communication have meant elected representatives can fly back home easily and not be “trapped” into dinner parties in the District. But the reverse is also true; Americans can travel to Washington for a dinner party a lot easier than they could before the airplane. This gives the White House Social Office**** a wide net to cast for interesting dinner companions.
But who should be invited? Etiquetteer believes that a wide swath of influential people from throughout America who might not otherwise expect a White House invitation***** could be assembled, including but not limited to:
Mayors, especially of mid-size cities and rural communities
Educators of all types: public, private, religious
Arts leaders, especially from mid-size cities and towns
Leading scientists and members of the medical community
Journalists, especially from the small towns
Congress! And they should all accept, though a White House invitation is not the same thing as a royal command, thank goodness.
Community activists from across the spectrum, from conservative to liberal, from religious to secular
Vice President Harris and her husband, Doug Emhoff. Who knows, they may set their own trend with dinner parties at the Naval Observatory . . .
There’s only one group Etiquetteer would exclude: the Lunatic Fringe. They have already proved that they don’t have America’s best interests at heart. Nuffus dixit.
Three or perhaps four dinners a month of varying sizes, say 12 to 100 guests, would work well. There are three beautiful dining rooms to use: the State Dining Room, the Family Dining Room right off it, and the President’s Dining Room on the second floor. Etiquetteer prefers a simple little dinner: cocktails in one of the State Parlors, three or four courses at table, and then coffee and liqueurs elsewhere in the House.
So, let’s say there’s a dinner based loosely on the topic of academic achievement for third graders. Dr. Biden could invite teachers, principals, school district superintendents, textbook authors and/or publishers, religious educators, artists, union representatives, athletes, wordsmiths, leaders of alumni associations, and politicians. And not exclusively from the big cities, but from communities of ALL sizes, from the very smallest up.
What if the topic was energy resources? Bring together a couple Nobel laureates, coal mine operators, solar engineers, farmers raising corn for ethanol, auto manufacturers, public transportation experts, leading researchers from the big universities and their most promising students . . . from all over the country and the political spectrum.
And these are only two examples. You get the idea, right? Who’s on your list for a White House dinner invitation, and what would the topic be? Let Etiquetteer know!
If the White House is truly to be the People’s House, it would help to get as many of the People into it for meaningful experiences with other Americans who share their concerns, even if - especially if - they come from opposite ends of the political spectrum. Dr. Biden, Etiquetteer wishes you joy, strength, patience, good humor, and of course Perfect Propriety as you begin planning how to make the White House welcome in your husband’s administration. Let the healing begin!
*The First Lady was at one time compensated by the Henry G. Freeman, Jr. Pin Money Fund.
**Stories of Mrs. Taylor’s smoking a corncob pipe in the White House remain unsubstantiated.
***From West’s indispensable memoir Upstairs at the White House.
****Mercy, Etiquetteer could send them about 100 names of suggested Influentials.
*****Celebrities always seem to get invited one way or another; Etiquetteer doesn’t need to advocate for them.