Dear Etiquetteer:
We moved recently to a larger home in a rural community, and now have the chance to arrange a small, comfortable sitting room, and to include, as a visual diversion, an ancestral commode. We wish to inquire if it would be Perfectly Proper to position the commode with the lid raised at full salute, so that the observer's eye may find the object more interesting and plainly honest. Surely this would not be an invitation to be seated? Please see the photos for reference.
Dear Commodious:
Oh . . . that sort of commode! In fact, that sort of commode more closely resembles a close stool, which was what passed for indoor plumbing before there was plumbing. If it was still on, ahem, active duty, one would not find it in a sitting room, but a bedroom*. While advertising its purpose might be “plainly honest,” we must remember the forthright words of Elizabeth Bennet in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice: “Honesty is a greatly overrated virtue.” Indeed, at the Alexander Palace, the Tsarina Alexandra Feodorovna had cloth covers placed over the porcelain commodes when they weren’t in use, so little did the Victorians want to consider the purpose of such things.
For a precedent, we need only turn to Castle Howard, where is exhibited in Lady Georgiana’s bedroom a similar apparatus that also flushes. It’s quite the article de luxe for its era! But it’s decidedly in a bedroom.
For your little sitting room, Etiquetteer thinks your Heirloom Device might function quite effectively as a planter, either for live or dried arrangements. And with the holiday season upon us, it could be perfect for a wreath of evergreens surrounding a large poinsettia fitted into the, um, basin. Otherwise, it might be more discreet to keep the lid down.
The deluxe flushing close stool at Castle Howard.
Last week, Etiquetteer was delighted to speak via Zoom with a class of international students studying English with ELS. Thanksgiving was a hot topic, and questions were asked about the American tradition of going around the table for each person to say what they’re thankful for. This isn’t really a universal practice. Etiquetteer loves it, and Etiquetteer loves people who absolutely cannot abide it; it doesn’t matter why. Should you ever find yourself at a Thanksgiving table where this ritual is traditional, don’t be a killjoy, but don’t feel obligated to share anything you don’t wish to. General Answers of Perfect Propriety always include “The opportunity to be with all of you today” and “More pie, please!”
Dear Etiquetteer:
I just haven’t felt safe going back to my hair stylist during the pandemic, even though salons in many places have reopened. My last appointment was many months ago. So my question is, should I still tip my stylist, how much, and how?
Dear Unstyled:
Like you, Etiquetteer has also been anxious about returning to the barber’s chair because of the coronavirus. But when the time comes that it feels safe to do so, Etiquetteer still wants the barber to be there. So by all means, tip as though you’d been going on your regular schedule. The traditional annual tip for hair stylists is “up to the cost of a salon visit,” according to the Emily Post Institute. They also say “or a gift,” but Etiquetteer believes that a cash gift will be much more welcome in this challenging year.
How to handle it becomes more complicated since you’re unlikely to be able to slip an envelope into your stylist’s hands after an appointment, the usual way. Contact your salon and ask if your stylists are still there, and then mail a holiday card to them care of the salon. If not, ask if they can forward it to them.
Dear Etiquetteer:
What are your thoughts on the ubiquitous children-photos-on-postcard? I have done it just once, otherwise sending as unique a card as I could.
Dear Carding:
Holiday greeting cards of this sort have been going on almost as long as photography . . . certainly long enough for Young Etiquetteer to have appeared in several (alas, not always with good grace). For many recipients, they are the only way possible to see the children of friends and family grow up. Indeed, Etiquetteer anticipates happily several such annual greetings. It’s a cliché to be surprised at how tall the children have grown, but it’s still always a surprise how tall the children have grown.
But Perfect Propriety does not demand such a holiday card, and if you prefer to send holiday greetings in another way, please do. Or none at all, if you find that the mere act of preparing and sending holiday cards drains all the joy of the season from your heart.
*Your query reminds Etiquetteer of a Methodist sermon witnessed over 40 years ago during which the preacher asked the rhetorical question “You wouldn’t put a garbage can in your living room?” From the back of the church came the credulous voice of a small boy: “Nooooooooooooooooooo!” The entire congregation collapsed in laughter, including the preacher, who did manage to call out happily “That’s the best response I’ve had yet!”