On Thursday the Holiday Season officially opens with Thanksgiving, signalling the Beginning of the End . . . at least of this annus horribilis if nothing else. And the big question is “How are we going to get through this with our health and our Perfect Propriety intact?” This becomes even more fraught when more people in your life aren’t taking the pandemic as seriously as you are.
Traditions are reassuring, and if there was ever a year in which we needed reassurance, it’s 2020. That trip “over the river and through the woods” to rarely-seen family, the games, the jokes, the wintry walks, the football, the special recipes and special heirlooms that are only brought out at the Most Wonderful Time of the Year — all these things have the power to comfort us. All I want is a big hug from my family! How on earth can we be asked to deviate from this eternal pattern?
Because we’re stuck in a global health crisis that has killed hundreds of thousands of people and infected millions, that’s how. And to Etiquetteer, that means the only Perfectly Proper thing to do is to adapt your usual traditions to the CDC holiday guidelines and let’s get right on that now, please. Those people you see only once a year at the Great Feast? Plan to see them again, just on Zoom*. If you’re going to miss your auntie’s special casserole, this is the year for you to get the recipe and attempt it yourself, so you can keep the legacy going. If you are, in fact, joining a Great Feast indoors, make sure the windows are all open and air is circulating. Crank up the heat if necessary, and wear caps and cold-weather gear inside. Go al fresco if you can. Etiquetteer knows one family that is planning a modified tailgate party for their Thanksgiving. America’s supposed to be a land of innovation, right? Well . . . let’s start innovating!
You can still have that big family gathering, just online.
You can still have a Great Feast with the household you’re in.
You can still express affection for the people with whom you’d be celebrating.
You can still decorate for the holidays! And so very many people have jumped the gun this year to put up Christmas decorations earlier than usual. For many, it’s been the most sparkly palliative ever.
Anyone who knows That Mr. Dimmick Who Thinks He Knows So Much at all well knows that Change is an Issue, especially around the holidays. There are things that are done and things that are not done, and that’s just all there is to it. Etiquetteer had to give him a stern talking-to, because if there ever was a year when we had to accommodate Change cheerfully, this is it. Remember the words of Little Mary in The Women: “It’s my job to make Mother feel cheerful!” And your success may depend on how much Mother is able to adapt to quarantine, too.
The hardest part is sharing the choice you’ve made with a Loved One who doesn’t agree. Whether you’re traveling and someone doesn’t like it, or not traveling and someone doesn’t like it, all you can do is continue to express your love and affection for that person from a distance of no less than six feet. If you feel uncomfortable in someone’s home because they aren’t ventilating as much as you think is necessary, it’s OK to leave. Just do it in a “It’s not you, it’s me” way.
We are only just beginning this End-of-Year Adventure, and Etiquetteer is here for you! If you’re having trouble staying Perfectly Proper in this New World, Etiquetteer wants to help. Reach out! Together, but socially distant, we can get through this.
*Etiquetteer does understand that Zoom Fatigue is out there. Pace yourself.