Disney has taught us to think of princesses as very beautiful young women who wear the Most Enormous Dresses in the World, tiaras, and the adoration of the Handsome Man of Their Choice, Usually a Prince. Indeed, Disney seems to have edged out actual princesses on defining just what a princess is! Etiquetteer thinks this is what’s led to an outbreak of Karens all over America, acting superior about asking to see the manager. Well Karen, sit down and be quiet. You’re no princess!
Since it’s National Princess Day, let’s talk about the qualities and expectations we have of a 21st-century princess. As public figures, we expect princesses to behave a certain way. That’s the traditional meaning of deportment, “the manner in which one conducts oneself.” When we hear “deportment” the first thing we think of now is posture, which is very important to a princess. A princess does not slouch or hunch her shoulders when walking, and neither should you. Back in the day there were deportment classes in which you tested your posture by balancing a book on your head while walking. It’s good practice! Bonus points if you can do it going up and down stairs.
A princess does not let her back touch the back of a chair. A princess knows how to bend graciously while wearing high heels to receive a bouquet from a small child. And especially she employs that charmingly remote Royal Wave when on parade*.
This doesn’t always mean that a princess is thin. Queen Mary’s mother, Princess Mary Adelaide, exceedingly fat all her adult life, was yet known for her “quick, graceful movements, despite her bulk; the nimble way she stepped down from a carriage, the easy gesture with which she gave her hand to be kissed . . . no member of the Royal Family could wave so valiantly from a carriage.”** [emphasis Etiquetteer’s.] Today this princess might be considered an emblem of body positivity.
Mary Adelaide also exemplifies that we expect princesses to pay attention to us, both as individuals and as the public. That means we expect to see them and to see them seeing us! Princess Mary Adelaide became the most popular princess in the British royal family because she waved at everyone on the balconies and rooftops who usually went unnoticed by other Family on parade. This was because of her size, which made it more comfortable to lean back in her carriage and look up. Not Perfectly Proper deportment, but the exception proves the rule.
Because we expect to see princesses, they need to dress to be seen. That means hats that don’t obscure the face. Cecil Beaton, in his essential book The Glass of Fashion, remembered the criticism given to Princess Marina, Duchess of Kent, when she wore an enormous cartwheel hat to the 1935 Jubilee. “Unfortunately the hat hid half her face and had to be held on to with one hand. She soon learnt, however, to appreciate the requisite demands of the public, and since then . . . toques and feathered boaters have caused the delighted crowds to acclaim her resemblance to her great aunt Queen Alexandra.”
Of course we expect princesses to wear Important Jewelry. These days it’s downright dangerous to go about dripping with diamonds the way Queen Mary did, but it’s also disingenuous for a princess to wear only Tiny Little Bits when the world knows what’s available to them. For day wear, One Important Piece is all that’s needed, preferably a brooch. But to go without is to deprive the public.
We expect princesses to be educated and cultured, but without being stuffy about it. Most importantly, we expect a princess to show courage when needed. We don’t think about that much today, do we? During World War II, when it was suggested she evacuate to Canada, Queen Elizabeth famously replied “The children won't go without me. I won't leave the King. And the King will never leave.” And after Buckingham Palace suffered some damage from a bomb, “I'm glad we've been bombed. It makes me feel I can look the East End in the face.” She became one of the great examples of royal empathy.
An even more moving example is that of the late Princess Diana, who began reducing the stigma of people with AIDS by shaking hands without gloves or holding them at a time when it was thought that AIDS could be transmitted by touch. While this personal gesture hearkened back to the royal touch of old, it was so clear that this expressed her genuine compassion and concern.
So, for the rest of us, let’s see how well we can emulate our favorite princesses without the accessories. The examples of courage and posture will go a lot further than a crinoline and a crown.
Princess Diana at Casey House, Toronto, 1991.
*Etiquetteer was once taught the Royal Wave by a 12-year-old girl, and be assured, there is no greater honor one can receive from a 12-year-old girl than being taught the Royal Wave.
**From Queen Mary: The Official Biography, by James Pope-Hennessy