Etiquetteer

Dear Etiquetteer:How does one, if one does, tell a friend who's a Radical Faerie, back-to-nature type, that their not using antiperspirant or mouthwash as a matter of principle leads to their often not smelling their best? How does one tell a friend who does too much marijuana that their getting stoned leads to their exhibiting unpredictable, unpleasant behavior, and that one would rather they did not get stoned around one? Dear Affronted: Well, you can bet that Dorothy Parker never had to deal with situations like these.Why does one have such friends in the first place? By this Etiquetteer does not mean pagans, rustics, or those willing to act on principle, but those who exhibit antisocial behavior. Etiquetteer doesn’t really care how people do it, but everyone is responsible for managing their own personal odor. Deity of Your Choice above, hasn’t this person even heard of patchouli oil?!This is a tough one, and no mistake. Aside from holding a conversation with a handkerchief over your nose and mouth – "I’m sorry, but it smells like they must be burning leaves at the bottom of the garden, or a skunk, or maybe the toilet backed up again, etc."" – Etiquetteer is at a loss. This is exactly the sort of person who should be given heavily scented soaps on all holidays. As for your spleef-toking friend, you communicate your displeasure by leaving the instant he or she lights up a joint. If this behavior takes place in your own home, you have an obligation to yourself to insist that he or she snuff it. Many don’t believe it, but both these situations can be handled politely. In the first case, plead headache, as in "Oh, I’m sorry I have to go, but the pot fumes give me a migraine." In the second, simply remind the pothead that smoking isn’t permitted in your home.

Dear Etiquetteer: Is it appropriate to engage a well-known politician regarding his (to me) odious policies when he is attending a wedding as a guest?Specifically, should I find myself at a wedding at which Mitt Romney is present, may I approach him, politely, and inform him that I am one voter who strongly opposes his policies toward gays? That is, his support for the odious attempt to amend the Massachusetts constitution to overturn the court's requirement to extend marriage rights to gay men and women? And I should mention that this is a straight wedding, between previously divorced bride and groom. Dear Wedding Guest: Oddly enough, your letter irresistibly reminded Etiquetteer of the late Merle Oberon as she appeared in The Scarlet Pimpernel, saying to the Prince of Wales "Ah, but even a goddess must have moments when she is just a plain woman." (Really, Etiquetteer doesn’t know why don’t run out and rent this movie at once.) Which is to say that it’s highly unlikely that the governor is attending in the official of role of governor, but merely as a private person who is a friend of the Happy Couple. As odious as you find the governor’s policies to be, Etiquetteer would encourage you to respect your hosts and the occasion by not raising the issue. Should you be introduced to the governor, you might always write a Letter of Outrage and send it along to his office the next day. Now, if you end up chatting with the governor and he raises the topic himself, well, it’s open season and he deserves what he gets.

Dear Etiquetteer:Is there any appropriate way to ask a person of multicultural/bi-racial background what their ancestry is about, without seeming prying, overly curious, or, worst of all, somehow racist?Dear Prying and Overly Curious But Probably Not Somehow Racist:No, so mind your own business.

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