Dear Etiquetteer:
I am invited to attend a wedding reception (not the wedding itself) for someone I know. The bride and groom are older (70+), it’s his at least third or fourth wedding, I was invited to the reception, not the wedding itself, but it’s a black tie affair at [Insert Name of Very Fancy Hotel Here]. Is it appropriate to bring a gift? If so, what sort of gift?
Dear Reception Guest:
Unless “No gifts please” was specifically included on the invitation, a gift is Perfectly Proper. Is it required? Some will say one thing, some will say another, and Etiquetteer will encourage you to think generously about the happiness of the occasion. In this century, and especially for people marrying in the Golden Years, a wedding gift could be anything based on what you know about their interests — perhaps an interest you share with them.
If you do choose to give the Happy Couple a gift, don’t bring it to the reception; it will be one more thing either the Happy Couple or the wedding party will have to think about packing at the end of the night. (This is why function planners have that one empty six-foot table draped in tulle near the entrance, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be utilized.) Send your gift in advance of the wedding for greater convenience.
Dear Etiquetteer:
I must host a four-person business dinner in the suburbs soon for new members of a volunteer board. Based on a new board member’s recommendation, I reserved a table at [Insert Name of Gourmet Restaurant Here]. I sent the update with the reservation to all the guests. After getting my update, the board member wrote me separately to say that the place might be bustling and noisy even on a weeknight, providing some additional information about the dining room. Since I’ve already let everyone know about the first place, what’s the best thing to do? Stay with the original recommendation, or change course?
Dear Reserving:
The most important goal of your evening is a clear and productive conversation. And since the volunteer who recommended this restaurant is rather reneging on the recommendation, it makes sense to think about changing. When you decide to change, all you need to say is that concern was expressed about acoustics and, good as the first restaurant is, the other restaurant should also provide a conversational atmosphere as well as reliably good cuisine.
It then becomes doubly important that you assure good acoustics at the new restaurant by sharing your concerns with the maitre d’. Make sure your table is in the quietest and least trafficked part of the dining room, neither by the kitchen door nor under a speaker or an air vent.
Your dilemma reminds Etiquetteer of the old saying “Trust in God, but lock your car.” It’s always difficult to act on someone’s enthusiastic suggestion only to have things turn out less well than expected. Rather than take someone else’s word, your own research into what’s recommended will reassure you that you’ll get the results you want. If you can’t actually go to the restaurant for a reconnaissance dinner of your own, at least check online reviews to see what other diners have reported. Etiquetteer feels sure that future recommendations from this particular board member will be taken more hesitantly.