Etiquetteer has been going through sheaves of late 19th-century wedding invitations recently, interesting for two reasons. They have all been engraved in exactly the same style on exactly the same paper, representing the best possible taste of the period; the only rare variations have been the font used for the engraving or the addition of some sort of embossed crest or armorial device*.
The second reason is the instructions on how to respond. The reply language has varied far more than Etiquetteer ever understood was permissible. We all know that the French phrase Répondez s’il vous plaît, which translates to “Please respond,” is abbreviated to its initials. But they have been given in more than one way over the last 150 years: R.s.v.p., R.S.V.P., RSVP, and even r.s.v.p. How on earth can we look down on people for being incorrect if we don’t know what actually is correct?**
Etiquetteer was surprised to see R.s.v.p. and R.S.V.P. running neck and neck in this old archive of invitations. Was anything else used more? Yes: no instruction at all! That’s because back in the day most people understood that a wedding invitation required an immediate handwritten response; the necessity for reminders and begging hadn’t yet started. But change was coming. “It should not be necessary to have to ask for a reply,” wrote Lila Haxworth Wallace in The New American Etiquette***, “but in these changing and rather careless times it has become quite essential in many cases.”
In this century, the Emily Post Institute has declared that all four versions of the abbreviation are correct: R.s.v.p., R.S.V.P., RSVP, and even r.s.v.p. Etiquetteer promises not to look down on anyone who uses the last three, but agrees with Emily Post Herself, who wrote “Capitals R.S.V.P. are permissible; but fastidious people prefer ‘R.s.v.p.’”****
This can also be neatly avoided by using any of the following phrases instead:
The favour of a reply is requested.
The favour of an answer is requested.
Kindly respond to [Insert Address Here].
Please respond.
When younger and more temperamental, Etiquetteer once added “The extremely basic courtesy of a response is requested,” which is Not Perfectly Proper to begin with, and didn’t get people to respond anyway. Dear Mother was right when she said “When you lose your temper, you lose your point.”
Etiquetteer wishes you many fastidious and enjoyable invitations and prompt Perfectly Proper responses.
*But not a monogram. Never a monogram.
**Now you know that a lot of people think this is really what etiquette is all about, and it may very well have been long ago. If that’s what you’re secretly doing in the black depths of your heart, stop it at once. The world of etiquette is kinder and more inclusive now.
*** 1941, page 366.
****Etiquette, by Emily Post, 1922, page 111.