You already know how fond Etiquetteer is of a Lovely Note. Since April is National Card and Letter Writing Month, it’s a Perfectly Proper time to review the basics. A Lovely Note of Thanks may include almost anything you want to share, but there are three elements that absolutely must be part of it:
The specific thing you are thanking your correspondent for. Whether it’s an event (“dinner last Thursday night,” “taking us to see Doja Cat”) or a gift (“those funny coasters,” “the set of silver iced-tea spoons,” “the photographs from our trip”), say what it was and avoid vagueries like “your thoughtful gift.” This will show your recipient that you’re actually paying attention.
The words “Thank you” or “Thanks.” You writing those words is the entire purpose of the Lovely Note. That means you writing it and not relying on the stationers to write it for you in the design on the front of the card. Miss Manners Herself, the great Judith Martin, in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, brooked no dissent when she said “If you can’t take the trouble to write the words ‘thank you’ yourself, you do not deserve to have anything for which to thank anyone.”* Miss Manners would not allow printed thank-you cards, but Etiquetteer sees that that ship has sailed. They are Perfectly Proper to use now, but only when you write “thank you” in your own hand, too.
Something about the gift that you like. Please be more detailed than “It’s just what I wanted.” Why is it just what you wanted? That information will make the gift-giver feel pleased that they guessed well and actually pleased you. An important purpose of a Lovely Note is to reassure the gift-giver that the gift was received and that it gave pleasure. You don’t need to grease it up with a lot of Rhapsodic Wax; just a sentence will do: “It will look beautiful in the dining room with yellow flowers,” “You remembered our conversation about cooking when you chose this timer!,” “This has always been my favorite color.”
“But Etiquetteer!” you exclaim. “I don’t like this gift! I can’t believe it was given to me!” Well, that’s too bad, darling, but you must still send a Lovely Note. “It will always make me think of you” is a nice bridge between the value of your relationship with the gift-giver and your actual opinion of their choice.
Etiquetteer wishes you many things to feel grateful for, and an eagerness to express written thanks for them with All Possible Dispatch.
*Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, page 374.