Dear Etiquetteer:
I hope you are doing well as this lovely spring season seems to take hold. My inquiry regards moving and the required (or expected) etiquette of telling friends and acquaintances that one has moved. Of course there is a short list of friends we are making a point of getting together with before we move, and so my question is about those other people. Is it acceptable to include the details in the annual winter card (about six months after we move) or should we send a “We are moving” note to friends beforehand?
Perhaps some details might be of help. We are moving from the Northeast to the Midwest in about six weeks. A variety of friends have expressed interest in visiting over the years, and given a notice from us, perhaps they’d like to make the trip now, or perhaps those were just niceties spoken without firm commitment.
As always, your expertise is appreciated.
Dear Moving:
You sound concerned about not just letting people know you’ve moved, but social invitations that might result from your news. Don't worry — Etiquetteer has ways to keep you from overextending yourself.
A change of residence, especially from one region to another, involves communicating with three different groups: people you know in the community you’re leaving, people you know already in your new community, and your wider network: family, friends, and colleagues. It’s better to share your news with the first two groups before you move, and with the last before, or at least not too long afterward.
Now, why is this? Your current neighbors and friends will get quite a jolt if they wake up one day to see the moving van outside, or text you to borrow a cup of flour to find out you’d have to send it from another state. Letting them know before the fact shows consideration for their feelings. A quick email headed “We’re Moving!” with the bare facts ought to do it. Express thanks for their friendship and neighborliness.
The message changes for anyone you know in your new area, where you will want to forge stronger ties right away. For them you’ll want to include why you’re moving, when you arrive, and possibly a date after which you expect to welcome visitors. You may also ask for advice about good local businesses, restaurants, etc. “Your recommendations will help us feel more at home as we adjust to this new place.”
For your larger list, Etiquetteer remembers from Days Gone By the address card that often accompanied a wedding invitation with the Happy Couple’s new contact information:
After May 23, 1933
Mr. and Mrs. Manley Firmness
123 Park Avene
New York, New York
You’ll want to elaborate on this; obviously there's no wedding invitation to explain your move. Perhaps something like this:
Dear Friends and Family,
Well, we’re doing it! We're off to [New City] to [take a new job/go to graduate school/be closer to family/avoid shoveling snow and/or fleeing hurricanes/retire] after all these years in [Old City]. After May 23, our new address will be:
Dewy Freshness and Manley Firmness
123 First Street
New City, New State, New ZIP Code
Please update your address books. We hope to see you if you pass through!
You wonder if friends might use this change of address notice as a Last Chance to Visit Card at your old address — or to invite you out for farewell festivities. Etiquetteer can’t quite tell if you are eager for them to do so, or anxious. With only six weeks left, Etiquetteer encourages you to drop that idea. You will be far too busy packing up things you forgot you owned, not to mention unexpected surprises, to take on entertaining houseguests — no matter how genuinely excited you might be to see them. And if you would rather not accept an invitation, just decline with Infinite Regret: “Oh, I really wish we could, but we are absolutely overwhelmed with arrangements, and just can’t get out at all. But thank you so much for thinking of us!” Please concentrate on a smooth move, and then invite them to the housewarming in your New City.
Etiquetteer wishes you the most stress-free move possible, and years of happiness in your new community.