Etiquetteer has been delighted to hear from readers with wit and wisdom after the last few columns. First, we have a very important query about zippers:
Dear Etiquetteer:
I, for one, really enjoyed this column — all important bits of wisdom and advice that can never go wrong. I do have one question. How does a lady tell a gentleman, particularly one she has never met but are at the same social event, that his zipper is down? And, I do not believe anyone under the age of 40 now knows the meaning of “XYZ.” I had occasion to say this to a few close friends and/or adult sons and the quizzical look on their face, begging for an explanation, told me they had no idea what “XYZ” means. Is it really out of today’s lexicon?
Dear Concerned:
While recognizing your good intentions, a lady never tells a man not her husband anything about his zipper, especially a stranger. The risk, unfortunately, is that a lady could discover that he’s actually no gentleman. Once Etiquetteer read in a tiny mid-19th century etiquette book that “A lady does not even understand a double entendre.” There are other phrases gentlemen can use to alert each other to a wardrobe malfunction, but they tend to involve double entendre. “The barn door is open” is relatively mild.
And now, some suggestions on How to Speed the Parting Guest:
From a well-traveled Bostonian: “As the owner of the Woodward Bar in Detroit always said at closing time: ‘You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!’”
From a gentleman: “My grandfather used to stand up and say to his wife: “Let’s go to bed, sweetheart. These people want to go home.” Etiquetteer can’t imagine a defter way to manage the situation.
As to Typewritten Correspondence:
From a writer: “Another of your columns resonates with me. At this point in my life, virtually all my letters are written on the computer, then printed out. (The only exceptions are sympathy notes. I dislike sympathy cards, and prefer a short note, very much personalized.) In writing letters by keyboard, I can edit easily and rephrase. To me, writing is a fine art, and I just find the words flow more easily when I type. It’s nice to get your imprimatur.”
From a trembling hand: “Thank you for your nihil obstat on typewritten letters. [An inherited medical condition] makes handwriting difficult to write and difficult to read. If I write really slowly it doesn’t look too bad, but even with your approval I’ve wondered if a typewritten note with a footnote of apology (handwritten to prove my point) that my penmanship is no longer legible (or some other excuse.....?) but I feel that some sort of apology is necessary for a typewritten note.”
Etiquetteer responds: Believe it or not, we must turn to the late Julia Child for the best advice in this situation: “No excuses, no explanations!” Type away without apology and let your signature stand as it is for your personal engagement.
From a devoted reader: “Whew! I’m safe! And, wherever did you find that image of those folks dancing on a typewriter? Wow - absolutely perfect!” In fact that photo is of Ruby Keeler and Lee Dixon dancing to “You’re Just Too Marvelous” in the 1937 film Ready, Willing, and Able.
Finally, a reader caught out an omission in Etiquetteer’s advice on Moving Notices:
“I think there are two other items of information that, while not as significant as they used to be, should be addressed as soon as known. Will your phone numbers or email addresses change? Many of our neighbors for one reason or another changed their emails when moving, possibly because they took their mobile numbers with them to a new carrier but also switched to the new carrier's email.”
Etiquetteer responds: You are exactly, correct, notice or confirmation of phone and email should also be included, e.g. “Our other information remains the same,” with relevant email and phone numbers included, or changes noted.