Dear Etiquetteer:
I am soon to retire from a long and challenging career. The nature and challenges of the career have fostered strong camaraderie amongst myself and other department colleagues. My departure will impact our group, especially if my position is not promptly filled. I feel in the interest of goodwill I should let people know I'm going, but I am hesitant to do so. Several others have retired already this year. Their announcements were met with statements like “Thanks for abandoning me” and “Must be lucky to be able to run away,” especially from work friends that would have been expected to be congratulatory.
How can I give my goodbyes so as to limit exposure to negative commentary? When met with negative commentary, how should I respond?
Dear Retiring:
First, allow Etiquetteer to wish you a long, happy, healthy, and comfortable retirement! Such a marvelous milestone to reach.
You know what this is, though, these backhanded “congratulations,” don’t you? Your colleagues think they’re being funny, and are really just underlining that your main bond is the misery (actual or alleged) of your shared workplace. Whenever a workplace departure is shared, it’s in much better taste not to allude to one’s own unhappiness, even in jest, and especially as the very first comment; it just sounds selfish. The Perfectly Proper response is to express happiness and best wishes for success in the next place. (Etiquetteer would be alarmed if someone expressed best wishes for success in the Next World . . . )
You are not responsible for the behavior of others, but naturally you want to feel that these long-time colleagues would sincerely wish you well. Include the words “I hope you can be happy for me” at the start of each conversation, which may elicit a congratulations before their Tide of Personal Woe engulfs your joy. You can also emphasize (when you can do so honestly) how much each colleague has contributed to your own professional happiness.
Snappy Comebacks are always tempting, but not wise. If someone said “Thanks for abandoning me” to Etiquetteer, it would be so meanly satisfying to reply “Well, you make it so easy!” But you already know that that’s Not Perfectly Proper. “I/We have been planning this for some time” is still vague enough to be private, but specific enough to note that your hard work was involved and not just “luck.”
Unless you have made out-of-office friendships with colleagues, Etiquetteer must warn you that you will be interacting with them almost never after you retire. Their Edgy Humor will no longer matter once you walk out on your last day. And that’s another reason for you to leave on a high note. “First impressions last,” as the old saying goes, and so do Last Impressions. As much as you’re able, don’t take these crabby expressions personally. They aren’t really about you or your situation at all. Rise above it, and ride out of the office with a feeling of freedom from All That.
Etiquetteer wishes you a smooth transition to the Retiring Life, sped by the sincere goodwill of your colleagues.
