Dear Etiquetteer:
I saw your suggestion about separate checks* for restaurant parties, and I was shocked! Shocked! at your response to this one. There is nothing more annoying than arguing over who paid how much. The pool always comes up short . . . and the waiter undertipped. Putting the onus of extra work on the underpaid and overharrassed waiter just so you don’t have to pay a couple of extra bucks is, to me, very inconsiderate and therefore never Perfectly Proper.
I don’t drink wine so I always end up “overpaying” when going out with friends. It’s the cost of having friends and being a friend.
Dear Overpaying:
Etiquetteer just loves you for your concern for the waiter, the person most responsible for a smoothly run restaurant table, the most put upon, and — sadly — the most overlooked where it counts, the tip. Etiquetteer commends you for your sympathy and for having found a solution to the problem that works for you and for those dining with you. But truly, restaurants have lost the battle forbidding separate checks to large parties. To help things move smoothly without surprises, two things help: confirming with the restaurant before you arrive that they will, in fact, accommodate separate checks for your party; and confirming with your server before drinks are ordered that there will be separate checks. In these cases Etiquetter agrees with you that it’s necessary to tip a little more than usual.
Etiquetteer also understands your point about “the cost of being a friend,” but that coin has two sides. The reverse of overpaying when you’ve ordered less is paying your true share when you’ve ordered more. The smoother mechanism for the latter is separate checks. It does mean a bit more work for the staff, but it keeps relations between diners congenial. (Etiquetteer has written about the pitfalls of splitting the check before.) And a more thoughtful tip keeps relations between diners and staff more congenial, especially for restaurant regulars.
After all that, perhaps it’s really easier to entertain friends at home. Except for negotiating the issue of allergies** . . .
*Scroll down to number 55 for the relevant suggestion.
**See number 52.