Dear Etiquetteer:
I am planning a post-holiday gathering in January. I would like to keep this party for adults as most of the invitees do not have children. This will be a festive during the day event. The question that I have is this: Can I invite folks who I know have small children without their children, or is this downright rude? I will probably keep them off the list if it would cause trouble.
Dear Hosting:
Etiquetteer can see you trying to reconcile the competing interests of your guest list — wanting to create a festive but relaxed conversational atmosphere for those who find children a distraction while not making parents feel bad that their Little Darlings aren’t actually welcome and that they’ll have to find a sitter in order to attend. It’s a fine balance.
Etiquetteer can’t really consider it rude to invite parents to an adults-only daytime party, because the invitation provides the information they need to choose whether or not to attend. But Etiquetteer could see parents feeling surprised; it feels more usual to have a Gathering for Grownups in the evening. So you might a) expect them to decline because of the trouble of babysitting, or b) show up with the children anyway because they didn’t want to miss the party — and by then you can’t tell them to leave.
How would it be if you invited your Friends With Children to a second event the next day (or weekend)? That way you still get to see everyone on your list, the parents don’t have to hire sitters, and your Child-Free Friends can still enjoy an afternoon without Child Turbulence. You may want to consider having a couple small things like puzzles available to keep the children occupied — a strategy Dear Mother employed to great effect.
Etiquetteer wishes you happy gatherings of conversational ease with all your guests.