“Never ask why you weren’t invited; you might find out.” — Etiquetteer
“But Love and I had the wit to win.//We drew a circle that took him in!” — from “Outwitted, by Edwin Markham
Getting a party invitation is nice, especially around the holidays. When the invitation is rescinded because you weren’t really supposed to be invited is, um, jarring at best. And this is the situation about half the Boston City Council found itself in this month after an aide mistakenly invited the entire Council to a holiday party hosted by the mayor. The party, which has been held for several years, was for the Electeds of Color group, to which the seven white members of the Council don’t belong. This had led to what is known as a Diplomatic Incident. (More about what happened and how people responded may be found here.)
Etiquetteer’s heart goes out to the aide who made the error. This inauspicious incident, however, may inspire this person to a truly remarkable career in diplomacy, much like the late Letitia Baldrige*. Bronze, as Etiquetteer has noted for many years, is only purified by passing through the flames.
Outrage over this incident does not seem to be coming from the disinvited councilors, to their credit, but from others who a) weren’t even on the guest list to begin with, and b) have what is known as a Political Agenda. That sort of behavior — loudly and publicly complaining about not being invited to a party — would lead Etiquetteer to cross anyone off any guest list, at the holidays or otherwise.
Etiquetteer took note of District 3 councilor Frank Baker’s comment that “If the Southie electeds had a party, everyone would be invited.**” Then why, Etiquetteer wonders, hasn’t he done so already? What a gesture of unity and forgiveness so entirely in keeping with the Spirit of Christmas! Since he will be leaving the City Council at the end of this term, Etiquetteer will not be holding his breath for that to happen — but perhaps whoever takes that seat on the Council next year will take up that challenge and host a party with a more comprehensive guest list of elected officials and their significant others.
In summary: whining is unattractive, and for heaven’s sake, proofread the guest list before pressing Send. Here’s to a smoother holiday season in 2024!
*She is so very candid about the mistakes she made in her storied career in her memoir A Lady, First, which you know Etiquetteer is fond of quoting.
**His comment about the Parkman House, the city-owned mansion where the party was held, “being a public space where everyone should be welcome” is naive at best. Aside from anything else, the house has an extremely limited capacity.