“We can never go back to Manderley. But sometimes, in my dreams, I do bo back.” — Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier
Dear Etiquetteer:
Are engraved social cards totally defunct in today’s digital and online world? (I believe that parliamentarians and diplomats still use them, but are they ever used by ordinary folk who appreciate refinement?)
Many thanks for your response.
Dear Calling:
Quite possibly the only time Etiquetteer has ever used calling cards was when sending high school graduation invitations — and that was Some Years Ago. (There may even be a slender sheaf of them lingering about somewhere in this Dusty Warren of Perfectly Proper Relics.) Originally calling cards were not supposed to include any information on them but one’s name — certainly not an address or, later, a telephone number*. The only information that they were meant to convey was that one had paid a call wherever a card was left, and additional information could be added by folding down a corner of the card as follows:
Bottom left: Condolences (pour condoléance)
Top left: Congratulations (pour félicitations)
Top right: In person (one actually came to the door with one’s card and didn’t leave it to the coachman)
Bottom right: Taking leave (pour prendre congé or p.p.c.)
Now of course we understand that this Not at All Practical, no matter how Perfectly Proper it might be. And we have more efficient, if not elegant, ways to communicate this information — through social media groups, for instance. If you’re going away for an extended period, one quick post to the neighborhood Facebook group saves you the trouble of leaving a card at every house on your street. On the other hand, not everyone likes to advertise their travels plans as broadly as hitherto either.
Does Etiquetteer think calling cards have a place in this century? Absolutely yes. It’s so much more elegant to hand someone your card rather than watch them type your contact information in their phone. But the rules have changed. Contact information may certainly be included (email, phone, mailing address), but a calling card should look like a calling card and not like an Item of Self-Promotion. Use them instead of a business card for social contacts. There are those who say that a business card should only be given to business contacts, because it represents not only oneself, but also the business. That’s a valid argument.
But the Way We Live Now no longer accommodates the kind of social life in which every household has an “at home” day every week when cards may be left (on a card tray or in a bowl on a table in the front hall). The custom died for a reason anyway; it was time-consuming and terribly inconvenient! “The old arbitrary Washington custom of calling has lapsed entirely, and I lay a wreath on its grave without regret . . . “ said Ellen Maury Slayden as far back as 1918**, and when you think now how difficult it is now just to schedule a dinner party . . .
But like you, Etiquetteer longs for a Life of Greater Refinement. We will have to indulge that longing in Lovely Notes written on the larger offspring of the calling card, the correspondence card. Bulked up from calling card size to 6-3/8" x 4-1/4", the name has been moved from dead center to top center, leaving ample space for your Brief and Lovely Handwritten Sentiments. Dempsey & Carroll engraves beautiful cards, and if you use “Etiquetteer” as your discount code, the price is discounted.
Etiquetteer wishes you brisk and vigorous correspondence with Like-Minded Ladies and Gentlemen.
*There are bewildering exceptions to every bewildering rule in the world of calling cards, and one of them was that a gentleman who lived at his club could include the club name in one bottom corner of his card.
**Washington Wife: Journal of Ellen Maury Slayden 1897-1919.