Dear Etiquetteer:
The fall season is starting up again, COVID be damned, and I have been invited to a small private event (not a fundraiser) I would really like to go to, except for one thing. The invitation says “black tie,” which of course means a tuxedo for the men. Aside from the fact that I’m at a stage in my life where I don’t even want to wear a tie, I don’t own a tux and cannot even imagine going to the bother of renting one. What do I do? I still have a suit. Can I just wear that, or do I have to miss out?
Dear Suited:
If this was a papal audience, a Court of St. James presentation, or a gala night at the opera, you would not have room to maneuver. But “a small private event” gives us leave to take our advice from the late Julia Child — “No excuses, no explanations” — followed up by Dear Mother, who always said “Do your best.” Wear your darkest suit (if you have only one, it will be that), your whitest shirt, your most resplendent necktie, and your brightest and most sincere smile, and you cannot go wrong. Only a churl would look down his nose at you, which would say more about the churl than you.
Fans of Tolstoy’s epic novel Anna Karenina may remember Dolly’s dilemma when she visited Anna and Vronsky in the country. “To change her dress [for dinner] was impossible, for she had already put on her best dress. But in order to signify in some way her preparation for dinner, she asked the maid to brush her dress, changed her cuffs and tie, and put some lace on her head. ‘This is all I can do,’ she said with a smile to Anna . . .” The redoubtable Ellen Maury Slayden recalled with admiration the forthrightness of a visiting politician’s wife. “Mrs. Harmon is . . . a good sport. She didn’t know our climate and came down in a heavy cloth suit and a close turban that didn’t shield her eyes, but she never turned a hair all day, and when her baggage failed to arrive, she wore the same thing to a reception in the evening without complaining or explaining.”
Black tie is black tie, and a dark suit is a dark suit. Etiquetteer is not a fan of mixing the latter with elements of the former. Pleated shirtfronts, shirt studs, waistcoats that clearly belong with black tie, and patent leather evening shoes really don’t go with a plain suit. While a formal occasion is one for dressing up, it isn’t time for cosplay or costuming unless it says “Creative black tie.” Save them for when you really do need to wear black tie.
Etiquetteer has more black tie guidance here, and black tie for clergy here. Etiquetteer wishes you a beautiful occasion.