A few readers took care to direct Etiquetteer to this recent Washington Post article by Heather Kelly about etiquette for phone calls, which is most interesting and worth your attention. The development of communications technology has outstripped our ability to adapt its use courteously. Different generations have different ideas about privacy and appropriateness, but there is still Telephonic Perfect Propriety we can agree on.
Starting with the Very Basic Rule that we should not be using speakerphones in public, especially in enclosed spaces like public transportation. What on earth, people?! Ms. Kelly notes that if you’re going to do That Sort of Thing, you ought to use headphones (or earbuds), but “they only solve half of the problem, however, as people still have to hear your side of the conversation.” And having witnessed so many of these Public Speaker Calls, they’re usually about something entirely inane or inconsequential that could have waited until later. People! Put it on mute while you’re out and about and save it until you get home! You’ll be contributing to World Peace, Etiquetteer guarantees you.
Where things differ starts with when one actually takes a call. Before smartphones and texting, when the phone rang, we were all conditioned to answer it right away, even if it was inconvenient. That remains a powerful behavior for those brought up to it. One of the surprising points made is that just because someone is calling doesn’t mean you have to take the call, even when you know who it is. Ms. Kelly quotes the remarkable Lizzie Post, who says “If someone interrupts you and you’re ticked off about it, guess whose fault that is? You’re the one who answered the call when you shouldn’t.” Etiquetteer thinks this is maybe a bit unjust (“We were taught to answer the phone!”), but it underscores how valuable it is to embrace texting. Texting may be an adjunct to phone conversations, but before long the phone will be an adjunct to texting.
Opinions may differ about what the most impactful change is to telephoning in this century. To Etiquetteer it isn’t using a speakerphone in public, but having to check in advance by text for a good time to call. Once upon a time we just picked up the phone and called — there was no other way to do it — and that was that. Now These Kids Today (by which Etiquetter means anyone under the age of Etiquetteer) think that’s rude. This has given rise to the Inquiring Text, e.g. “You free?” “Time to chat?” “Call me,” or “Dahling!” On the whole this is a welcome development — really, it is not such a bad thing to consider how disposed your recipient is to getting a call — but it involves relearning earlier lessons of Perfect Propriety. And that takes time.
Won’t you send Etiquetteer your own concerns and queries about modern communications manners? In the meantime, Etiquetteer wishes you many Perfectly Proper interactions with your intimates.