In 1960 Cleveland Amory published the third in his trilogy of books about American society, Who Killed Society? While proving that Society is in a continual state of decline (things are never as good/nice/Perfectly Proper as they used to be), he constructs scathing, incisive, and witty indictments against an army of defendants — everyone from the Servant Problem, FDR and the Duke and Duchess of Windsor through Café Society, the Cold War, Henry Luce, Harry Truman, the Telephone, the Sputnik, the Kennedy Family, Chorus Girls, Brenda Frazier, and Elsa Maxwell, all the way to Bermuda shorts and the Newport Jazz Festival, among many others. In every case he has a point. In fact the only people he seems to spare are John Roosevelt and Magda Gabor! (You may read Amory’s original indictment on pages 17-18 at the Internet Archive.)
But that was in 1960. Plenty of people and things have had a role in the continued killing of Perfect Propriety since then. If an indictment were to be laid out against subsequent killers, who would make the list? Following Mr. Amory’s format, Etiquetteer makes a few suggestions, with occasional commentary.
Murder in the First Degree
With Deliberation, Premeditation and Malice Aforethought:
Donald Trump. Nuffus dixit.
The Social Media Network Formerly Known as Twitter.
The Wedding Industrial Complex.
Without Deliberation, Premeditation or Malice Aforethought, but Committed while Engaged in Another Felony:
Woodstock.
Watergate.
Animal House. The influence of this film is the most underrated of any 20th century film.
Celebrity Sex Tapes (Rob Lowe, Paris Hilton, Aaron Schock, etc.)
Bill Clinton. He lost me at “It depends on what ‘is’ is.”
Roger Ailes.
Social media influencers.
Social media tycoons.
Reality television, starting with The Real World in 1993 and continuing through all the seasons of Real Housewives (but not The Great British Baking Show).
Destination weddings.
Murder in the Second Degree, With Design to Effect Death but without Deliberation, Premeditation or Malice Aforethought:
Bridezillas, especially those who reject heirloom silver.
The coronavirus pandemic.
Social media networks, all of them.
Skyrocketing Executive Pay.
Casual Friday.
Grunge.
SPY Magazine, the New York Monthly.
Airline checked baggage fees, and all such other extraneous fees.
Manslaughter in the First Degree, While Engaged in the Commission of a Misdemeanor:
Satire news websites.
Fast fashion.
Athleisure, active wear, jeggings, etc.
Bachelorette parties.
Gender reveal parties.
Cosplay (but not at actual comicons). This only leads to gentlemen thinking they can wear secular headgear with black tie indoors as Perfectly Proper.
Valley of the Dolls, the novel.
Manslaughter in the Second Degree
By a Person Committing a Civil Trespass:
Truman Capote's Black and White Ball.
Answered Prayers, by Truman Capote.
Truman Capote in Murder by Death.
In the Heat of Passion by the Use of a Dangerous Weapon or by Cruel and Unusual Means:
Extremist protests at funerals.
Love locks locked to bridge railings and other such places.
By any Culpable Negligence, such as Negligent Use of Machinery, Care of Animals, etc.
Extreme culinary trends, such as beetle-shaped jellies, foam entrées, and “one-bite” entrées.
This list surely is not complete! Etiquetteer will be interested to hear your own suggestions for a follow-up column.