Dear Etiquetteer:
What does “open house” on an invitation mean to you? Isn’t it ridiculous to say “Open House from 10 AM to 2 PM?”
Dear Invited:
To Etiquetteer, an open house means a daytime party of two hours or longer (usually three or four) when the hosts wish their guests to arrive at any time that suits them, and stay as long or as little as they want. These are great for when you want to see a lot of people, but not all at the same time. It’s not ridiculous to have a four-hour party, but you might feel ridiculous if you stayed all four hours — in which case you might get pressed into helping out here and there.
An open house could not be described as a formal function; that would be a reception. Casual clothes and hearty food are in order, even if the hours don’t coincide with mealtime (e.g. 2-6 PM). Indeed open houses sometimes evolve into potlucks. Disposable party goods are often chosen — Etiquetteer thinks particularly of those red Solo plastic cups — but there’s nothing wrong with using your everyday plates and glasses, etc.
People think of formal entertaining as hard work — and it can be — but so is more casual entertaining like this over an extended period. Someone needs to be stationed near the door to welcome arriving guests throughout; it is so helpful, even when you’ve been there before, to be greeted by the host in a room full of people you may not know and feel reassured that yes, this was the right day and I am expected. At the same time, someone needs to be monitoring the refreshments and the bar so that everything gets replenished when needed. And someone needs to be gathering abandoned plates, cups, and napkins wherever they might have been left to keep things looking tidy. This includes emptying ashtrays. Guests lay up for themselves treasures in Heaven when they help clear without asking.
Open houses can be great fun because of who shows up: mutual friends, shared colleagues, total strangers with good stories or shared interests, neighbors with spinach artichoke dip. And generally, because it’s an “open” house, guests might be allowed to bring a guest or two of their own. But check first with your hosts, who will need to lay in supplies for the number they expect. It’s Not Perfectly Proper to show up with your daughter’s graduating class or the two dozen members of your book club. If you are a family with children and you invite other families with children, plan activities in advance for them that will confine Irrepressible Child Energy away from breakables and heirlooms. Lawn games are great for this.
Now just because it’s an open house doesn’t mean it all has to be open. Etiquetteer advises having all the bathrooms available, of course, but those with pets who are, um, Not Good with Guests might need to sequester them in a remote bedroom. Another bedroom might need to be designated for young children (and/or their parents) who need a timeout. Please do not, as Etiquetteer has heard, fill up your medicine cabinet with marbles or something as a practical joke. The guest who opens that cabinet might just need an aspirin and not actually care about your Cosmetic Choices.
Etiquetteer hopes you have a lovely time at the party, however long or short a time you choose to stay. Don’t forget to send that Lovely Note of Thanks when you get home!