Since something Absolutely Improper happened at the Oscars, Etiquetteer is required to say something, and That Mr. Dimmick Who Thinks He Knows So Much has had a field day adding quotes from old movies.
For those of you don't "know anything of the world in which you live,*" Will Smith spontaneously assaulted Chris Rock on stage after the latter's ad-libbed joke about Jada Pinkett Smith's extremely short hair, caused by alopecia. Smith proceeded to receive the Best Actor Oscar and standing ovations, both at the ceremony and the after-party. No one comes out of this with Perfect Propriety.
“Use vulgar people, take pleasure in their defects.” — Sean Connery in The Name of the Rose
This quote, allegedly from the second book of Poetics by Aristotle, perfectly describes any Oscar comic's job. Poking fun at a powerful audience remains an expected custom, even when the jokes fall flat or cut too close. What's changed is that, as a culture, we are more sensitive to derogatory humor about how one looks, especially related to medical conditions. Like alopecia, which Ms. Pinkett Smith has addressed courageously.
This has been going on at the Oscars since Bob Hope hosted the ceremony, and everyone there, including the Smiths, should have expected that they might have been targeted. One thing that can be said for Rock: he kept on with the show. He didn't flee the stage, or step into the house to keep the fight going.
"It's just that a gentleman never mentions a lady's name in a barroom." — George Brent in Jezebel
"Ah, chivalry rears its ugly head!" — John Dahl in Rope
In spite of the fact that women no longer have to hide their strengths to make men feel better, there is still a cultural expectation that a husband will defend his wife. But does chivalry require violence? Etiquetteer's informal poll on Instagram suggested that no, it doesn't, by 93% to 7%. Etiquetteer prefers this definition of chivalrous from the dictionary: "marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women." That is not what we saw at the Oscars. While notions of chivalry began with knights in shining armor charging into battle, that's not how we do things now, nor should we.
Slimane (Joseph Calleia): "When one can't use guns one must work with brains."
Janvier (Paul Harvey): "I prefer guns."
Slimane: "In your case, honored sir, such a preference is unavoidable." — from Algiers
Smith knew he overstepped by the time his name was called for Best Actor, because he apologized to the Academy during his acceptance speech. His performance on everyone’s lips is not from King Richard, and except for a few romantics, his behavior has been roundly condemned.
"Say nothing. Act casual." -- Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein
It's no surprise, after that violent outburst, that the audience wanted to resume the program as if nothing had happened. And Etiquetteer can understand the reluctance of the Academy to eject Smith from the theatre since it was highly likely he'd be back on stage to receive the Best Actor award. Imagine even greater awkwardness . . .
But Etiquetteer questions the need for a standing ovation when Smith did receive it, and later at the after-party. Despite the historic nature of Smith's win, some industry-wide disapproval of his conduct was clearly in order in the moment, not just the next day.
"Paula, you need a governess!" -- Lauren Bacall in How to Marry a Millionaire
What should have happened? No, Etiquetteer is not going to say that Rock shouldn't have made the joke; performers ad-lib, for better or for worse, and this was one of the worse times — and he certainly knows that now. But the Smiths should have refrained from reacting during the telecast and approached Rock backstage to share their feelings. David Rubin, president of the Academy’s Board of Governors, should have made a statement from the stage that violence is unacceptable.
A day later, the Academy condemned Smith’s behavior and Smith publicly apologized to Rock. That’s a start. Etiquetteer foresees a future when they, along with Pinkett Smith, all co-host a fund-raiser for alopecia-related nonprofits. Perhaps they'll even be forced to co-host the Oscars next year. Etiquetteer will not be tuning in.
One reader has expressed concern that what happened “represents so much more than just an overheated husband. Somehow it's gotten OK to resort to violence in a public place.” This is why Etiquetteer has said before that leaders are, necessarily, held to a higher standard than the rest of us, whether they are political or cultural leaders. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar offered a wonderful comment in this thoughtful piece about the incident: “I just want this to be a cautionary tale for others not to romanticize or glorify bad behavior. And I want Smith to be the man who really protects others — by admitting the harm he’s done to others.”
Etiquetteer has also seen commentary from thoughtful ladies and gentlemen in more than one place that our attention is better focused on any of the ongoing world crises instead of one man slapping another, be they global, national, military, environmental, or homophobic. To this Etiquetteer can only respond that the Oscar Slap falls into the Soap Opera category of The Gilded Age, the House of Windsor (sadly), and the occasional flareup of Hatred of Candy Corn. We resort to this kind of Violent Frivolity to lessen the tension of other very serious crises.
We now, all of us, have the opportunity to model the kind of Perfect Propriety we ourselves want to see in the world. If we want less violence in public life, then we need to speak out against it, yes — but it’s even more important that we ourselves set an example. That’s often challenging, but now more than ever, we need to be up to the task.
*Addison DeWitt, All About Eve.