For those who celebrate, the days remaining to Christmas may be counted on one hand. If you haven’t yet, here are a few things to check twice on your list for a Perfectly Proper Christmas.
Evaluate your heirlooms for the table. This could mean anything from checking your tablecloth for holes or stains to counting out utensils so you have the right number to replacing chipped glasses. Etiquetteer has to figure out how to pry cork stoppers out of some old china salt and pepper shakers without breaking the corks or the shakers. It’s better to do these things before Christmas Eve. (For those who get confused about which is the salt and which the pepper, see Etiquetteer’s earlier column on the subject.)
Make sure you have enough napkins. Dear Mother (may she rest in peace) made it her life’s mission to be sure everyone had a napkin, and this is rarely more important than at one of the Great Feasts. Some people feel mighty superior about having cloth napkins, and some people feel mighty superior about using paper napkins because they have better things to do than iron cloth ones. Etiquetteer isn’t going to take a side; just have more than sufficient Napkins of Your Choice for all your guests. And if you are using paper, get the Perfectly Proper dinner size, 17 by 17 inches, not the luncheon size, 13 by 13 inches. (You can read Etiquetteer’s advocacy for paper napkins here.)
Brainstorm about travel plans. Oh, the weather outside is predicted to be especially frightful, so it may be helpful to anticipate what to do if someone’s flight is delayed or cancelled, the roads freeze, or even if COVID prevents someone with an essential part of the feast from coming. Think now about how to pivot to a backup plan; in almost any party situation that involves laughter and scrambled eggs.
Consider placecards. People are, Etiquetteer believes, a bit more anxious than usual about Controversial Topics getting introduced. You may wish to assign seats at your table(s) to balance Those with Opposing Views between, shall we say, Neutral Parties.
Perfect Propriety doesn’t always mean Perfection. Let’s face it, many of us have visions of Perfect Christmases with flawless decorations and dining tables, succulent meals of many courses, bright smiles all around, and that elusive thing, the Exactly Right Gift. Perfect Propriety is how you handle a situation when it goes wrong. Sometimes that’s laughter, sometimes it’s a hug, sometimes a private wink and toast with an ally, and sometimes a stern “This subject is an unwelcome one.” When the turkey is dry, the wine is spilt, the gift is, um, original — find the part of yourself that can say “Oh well, we did our best!”
Sarah Bernhardt’s motto comes in handy for the Great Feasts: Quand même, which means “It’s all the same” or “In spite of everything,” depending on how you translate it. It’s a lighter touch to Senator Elizabeth Warren’s “Nevertheless, she persisted.” And a lighter touch is what we need on Christmas Day.
So, since there will be no column this Sunday, allow Etiquetteer to wish you a Merry and Perfectly Proper Christmas quand même.