Dear Etiquetteer:
I've appreciated your advice on many occasions and now I need it again. I have found myself in somewhat of a pickle while conversing with friends, family, and others in between. You see, I am one of those people who recently quit a job, and, as a result, is currently unemployed. I was a tenure track professor and I decided to call it quits this past spring. While imagining the future in that setting, I realized that the anxiety, stress, overwork and minimal pay would continue no matter if the pandemic ended. I could continue with a litany of complaints, but my reluctance to appear a malcontent is why I'm contacting you. Let me give you an example of this pickle. I find myself in it too often.
When people learn I'm currently unemployed, they ask in quick succession “Why?” and “What will you do?” I don’t want to share my private struggles with most who ask, so I respond to the first with something like: "There were many reasons why working as a professor was not enjoyable or satisfactory to me. I don't want to bore you with the bureaucratic details, but I'm much happier not teaching at this time." To the second I answer "I am very happy spending time taking it easy and enjoying a slower pace to life. I'm not sure what the future holds, but there are many possibilities that I will consider after I take some time off."
I like to think these are "perfectly proper" responses, but I'm finding many keep poking and prodding to find out more. Can you recommend a response to those who want more? Perhaps a response that provides an appropriate segue into another topic of conversation? I've taken some opportunities to share with both academics and non-academics the problems of labor, pay, and teaching in university settings, but I'm not always in the mood to lecture (ahem) or gossip about my prior employer.
As always, your advice is greatly appreciated.
Dear Ex-Professor:
First, congratulations on your career transition! Etiquetteer wishes you fulfillment and security on whatever future path you choose.
The questions you’re getting aren’t unusual, nor is the persistence of your friends — or their inability to take a hint. Etiquetteer has suggested before that often all people really want to know is whether or not you were fired. But there’s a way out of this.
The pandemic has led millions of people to reconsider their job choices, either because their jobs have disappeared (think of the service industry, or the performing arts), because workplace conditions have changed, or because they’re finally asking themselves the Peggy Lee Question: “Is that all there is?” So, what could be more Perfectly Proper than to blame the pandemic? “The pandemic has really made me reevaluate what brings me [professional/creative/spiritual] satisfaction so I decided to make a bold move” works in almost every situation. “Leaving my position has freed up my time and my mind so that I can get back to what’s really important to me.”
Further inquiry can be met with “Oh, I still have a great deal of interest in [Insert Anything in Which You Actually Retain Interest, Professional or Not] and that’s taking up a lot of my time.” And if you aren’t, in fact, interested in anything, just say “Meditation.”
As a last resort, turn the tables on them and ask “Well now, tell me . . . if you were suddenly to walk away from your job, what would you be doing? That might inspire me in a different way. What would you like to spend more time on right now?” And if that fails, just give them a Mona Lisa smile, say “I’m so grateful for your interest,” and drift off to the bar.