“Pobody’s nerfect,” as Etiquetteer’s Dear Mother used to say; it can take years, even an entire lifetime, to make a complete lady or gentleman. Sometimes it feels like Error is the perpetual human condition. But how one communicates that someone is in error — “lacking in charm,” as Margaret Case Harriman put in Blessed Are the Debonair — also makes a difference. The rediscovery of an artifact this week leads Etiquetteer to tell a story of Error and its rebuke — in sterling silver.
Many years ago Etiquetteer had to attend a meeting with some Great Ladies. Needing to take notes, Etiquetteer reached into a jacket pocket for a pen, an ordinary gesture. But the pen that emerged was not an ordinary pen. A dear friend in the medical community had given this pen to Etiquetteer as sort of a joke after receiving it at a medical conference. It was marked with the name of a drug much in the news at that time as a cure for — how to say this delicately? — male performance enhancement. You’ve probably heard of it; it begins with a V.
Intent on taking notes, Etiquetteer didn’t notice what was on the pen, but a Great Lady did. Attempting to conceal how offended she was, she tried to laugh it off, which led to a shared laugh, and the knowledge that it was the only pen in any pocket. Crisis averted, until the exact same thing happened at the next meeting. There was no humor then, Etiquetteer recalls with a shudder, but a pointed glance and a noticeable chill in the room. The Offending Article was relegated to Etiquetteer’s home office to prevent another episode.
Some weeks later, at the conclusion of another meeting, the Great Lady made a gift in a Box of a Familiar Blue. It enclosed a sterling silver pen with the unique feature of a neckchain (see photo above), so that the user is never without it. While technically a lady’s accessory, Etiquetteer wore it for years and was delighted to find it again — but always with the memory of how gently but firmly the situation was handled. It’s a lesson for all of us.