Alcohol is a traditional coping mechanism - not always a wise one! - but as in all things, it’s how you do it that makes a difference. Jeremy Cooper and Andy Klausner, who Etiquetteer is delighted to call friends but who claim that they “don’t really drink cocktails,” randomly started mixing a nightly drink when the pandemic quarantine started back in March. The result is now their first book, Cocktail Hour Meets . . . a Pandemic, a collection of 50 recipes with their own pandemic and pre-pandemic inspirations.
This is what happens when Imagination meets Inventory. When you already have so much liquor in the house that you have to keep in it three different locations*, that gives you a tongue-ful of flavors for experimentation. An alternative title could have been Around the World in 50+ Bottles. These boys have traveled almost everywhere (photos and stories of pre-pandemic trips pop up when relevant), and they’ve toted home a fiery and herbaceous rainbow of liquors along the way. They’ve also received cast-off bottles from friends moving out of state, which led to some New Cocktail Possibilities.
Etiquetteer’s Dear Mother (may she rest in peace) was a lifelong teetotaller, but she was a good housekeeper who made a point of not wasting a scrap. Often Andy and Jeremy made choices based on what was starting to go bad in the fridge (Day 3, Spicy Strawberry Margarita), or what near-empty bottle was taking up too much room (Day 19, Strawberry Prickly Pear Margarita). The results look tasty. This is Perfectly Proper Household Wisdom that once came under the name “housewifery” and is a Perfectly Proper example of how we should run our kitchens (and in-home bars) now. Since we’re in a pandemic, the boys also recognize that substitutions are inevitable, and that measurements are . . . casual**.
On Day 24, we finally get to meet Jeremy’s lime juicer, an important element in this story since one of Jeremy’s rules is to “avoid bottled lime and lemon juices at all costs**.” (Etiquetteer couldn’t imagine actually buying lemon juice, but equally couldn’t imagine making a gimlet without Rose’s Lime Juice. That will sound like heresy to some, but Rose’s always reminds Etiquetteer of Philip Marlowe drinking a gimlet at Victor’s in the novel The Long Goodbye. So there you are.) A few recipes involve actively muddling berries in the shaker, and a couple more involve planning the day before, such as Coffee-Infused Campari and Soda (Day 21). But Etiquetteer’s favorite instruction in the book is “. . . just empt[y] the whole bottle into the pitcher.” (Day 13, Pimm’s Cup). There’s something to be said for Simplicity.
Etiquetteer will be most interested to try the Fête du Jardin (Day 23), an original Jeremy creation that sounds very summery and herbal. But also Andy’s recipe for the Betsy Ross (Day 38) because it looks simple and tasty and involves Calvados - and Etiquetteer got to visit that region of Normandy in 2011, and it was marvelous.
Tequila lovers will especially enjoy this as the boys love their tequila. They know an awful lot about it, too, and have even traveled to tequila distilleries. But how will tequila lovers react to the revelation on Day 33 (Cadillac Margarita), that Jeremy adds orange juice to his margaritas? Even more serious to Etiquetteer: they don’t like bourbon! While Scotch pops up in a couple recipes, there’s not one recipe with rye or bourbon. Even their manhattan is made with rum (Day 4). Boys, you need to come up with a rye cocktail for the next edition and call it Weep the Bitter Tears of the Denied, which might go nicely with the Venezuelan Vampire (Day 36) or the Pick Me Up and Lay Me Down (Day 48).
One suggestion: if the instructions include “shake it like a maniac,” a soundtrack suggestion with good rhythm would help. (We do learn a lot about Jeremy’s enjoyment of Pitbull, not to mention how they added exercise equipment to their front hall for an in-home gym.) See also their suggestion for how to prepare a Kir Royale (Day 41). Don’t try that in heels, or after round one!
Cocktail Hour Meets . . . a Pandemic is a delightful read and a possible blueprint for your household in a second wave of the pandemic quarantine. It makes a helpful companion volume to Drinking Like Ladies by Misty Kalkofen and Kirsten Amann, Etiquetteer’s beloved Miss Kitty. The sequel - there must be a sequel - will have to focus on wine and lead us into Forbidden Territory. Suggested title: Let’s Pop a Cork in the Wine Room: 50 Vintage Pandemic Nights.
*Not counting the wine room. Stay out of the wine room! Jeremy doesn’t like anyone in his wine room . . .
**Jeremy says measurements in the book are “directional,” but you get the idea.
**"Unless limes are $.50 each.