Etiquetteer has long said that Freedom of Speech is our most valuable Freedom, because it really helps people identify themselves. And Joseph Epstein of the Wall Street Journal, with his column suggesting that Dr. Jill Biden drop the honorific “Dr.” when she becomes First Lady, has identified himself as Not a Gentleman. His suggestion was subjective, personal, dismissive, and Not At All Perfectly Proper. Etiquetteer just couldn’t help but think of Hugh Grant in Maurice saying “I think a man who has opinions like that should keep them to himself.”
It astonishes people — sometimes Etiquetteer, too — that etiquette must adapt to current situations. Just because the only credential to becoming First Lady is being married to the President of the United States does not require the First Lady to relinquish her pre-First Lady identity and achievements to become some sort of Stepford Hostess*. “The President of the United States and Dr. Biden” is no different from “The President of the United States and Mrs. Roosevelt.” When the position of First Lady becomes that of First Gentleman, which Etiquetteer believes likely at some point this century, “The President of the United States and Mr. Emhoff” or “The President of the United States and Mr. Buttigieg” will be just as Perfectly Proper.
So, now that we’ve established that . . .
It seems that most Americans have a problem with anyone not a Medical Doctor using the honorific “Doctor” outside academia. Perhaps we need to move beyond that. This discussion on Quora offers some interesting perspectives, including the adoption of Dr. by those undeserving. “Resume padding” and outright falsification is just as common with titles as anything else. Good heavens, “Baron” Alfred von Drachstedt” who survived the sinking of the Titanic was just plain old Alfred Nourney!
The problem with the academic title Dr. is not the title itself, but how it is wielded by academics to flog respect from the rest of us. It’s one thing to inform people about how you wish to be addressed, but it’s quite another to be mean and condescending about it. In college days, Etiquetteer worked as a concierge** for a large residential building in which lived a Prickly Professor (a white male) who insisted on being called Doctor. Another resident, overhearing Etiquetteer address him thus, looked surprised. “Is he a doctor?!” “He’s a doctor of political science,” Etiquetteer answered. The Snort of Derision that followed had more to do with the Prickly Professor than Political Science!
In some ways the most surprising thing to come out of this scandale du jour is reading Miss Manners Herself quoted in the New York Times saying “I don’t tell people what to call themselves and I’m aware that women often have trouble with people who don’t respect their credentials.” That could almost be considered an Etiquette Watershed Moment. Not that women have trouble getting their credentials acknowledged, but that Miss Manners isn’t going to be a Definitive Source on Proper Address.
In short, please use “First Lady Dr. Jill Biden” starting on January 20. Nothing could be more Perfectly Proper.
*Etiquetteer admires Dr. Biden’s stated plan to continue to teach after her husband takes office, and wishes her well, but notes that even the late Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman of prolific energy, was unable to keep up an independent job outside the White House.
**Really, at some point everyone ought to work as a servant and have a servant. It is valuable life experience, and really teaches a lot about personal interaction.