Dear Etiquetteer: I am another denizen of cubicles whose work group has seen fit to overcome the calf-pen atmosphere by throwing birthday soirees. These gatherings involve everyone getting up and joining the crowd in the center of the room, where the birthday person is summoned for a "meeting" and must feign surprise at the sight of cake and a communally signed card.The gesture is intended to be thoughtful, but I found myself on the receiving end of just such a party when I happened to be under the weather. I had made it plain earlier in the day to the person supplying the cake that everyone should enjoy without me, but found myself dragged out at cake time nonetheless. Because I was not partaking of cake, I stayed briefly, explaining that I didn't feel well and that people should help themselves. I then departed to my cubicle to complete some work tasks that needed my attention; the party went on without me.Was there some more gracious way of handling the situation? I do owe the cake-bringer an apology; she went to the trouble of bringing something in for me. But not feeling well aside, what is the statute of limitations on how much time one must spend gabbing to coworkers on the company dime, for the sake of team spirit?Love your column. May you be frequently linked and prosper. Dear Caked: The real question here is, how can a guest of honor at a surprise birthday party cut short one’s appearance without showing disrespect to fellow colleagues who only want to celebrate one’s special day? Etiquetteer’s answer, you will not be surprised to learn, is that it’s nearly impossible. Hearing you plead ill health, Etiquetteer’s first reaction is to ask what you were doing at the office that day anyway. At a work party such as the one you describe, Etiquetteer thinks that only a work excuse is appropriate. Your hasty retreat would have been more understandable had you pleaded the advancing deadlines of the projects you mentioned, of which surely some of your other colleagues would be aware – especially since everyone in a cube farm knows a lot more about everyone else’s business than they ought to. Otherwise, it’s best to grin and bear it, or at least stay home if you’re really sick.
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Dear Etiquetteer: While attending a recent public celebration/street party I was perplexed by the following situation. As I finished my beverage, I looked around for a proper recycling receptacle for my can. I spied one close by and noticed an elderly street person hovering over it. Nearby was her shopping cart, filled to the brim with cans. As I watched further, I noticed her occasionally bending over and poking through the trash looking for fresh five-cent gems. I thought, what is the appropriate thing to do? Do I walk over and hand the can to her? Do I wait for her to be distracted and throw the can in? Or, do I throw it into the receptacle while she is watching so that she is aware that a fresh gem is waiting to be added to her collection?Dear Canning:Etiquetteer certainly understands your reluctance to engage in face-to-face communications with street people. Many sane people have been forced from the security of a home onto the streets by tragic circumstances. But one frequently sees the more, uh, shall we say reality-challenged street person instead, anxious to ask you to write to the President about legislation to prevent drivers from honking their horns between 3:00 and 4:00 AM on residential streets where dyslexics live. While one pities their condition, of course, one usually doesn’t want to engage them individually.Ask yourself what sort of street person this "canner" is. If they pass your Impromptu Street Sanity Test, by all means smilingly hand him or her your can. Please do so frankly and pleasantly, without any hint of condescension. Remember, we are all Americans and are therefore created equal.Otherwise, if the street person appears to be "a few cans short of a twelve-pack," Etiquetteer would encourage you to a) find another receptacle, or b) dispose of it as surrepetiously as possible without that person noticing.
Etiquetteer
Encouraging Perfect Propriety in an Imperfect World since 2001