Dear Etiquetteer:
I have recently ended a relationship with a woman I was dating for over two years. During the time we were dating, many people kindly treated us as a couple, extending joint invitations, seating us together at events, etc. Although our romantic relationship is over, she and I continue to move in some of the same social circles, attend the same events, serve on the same community boards, and participate in membership organizations together. Is there a way that I can politely convey to people that she and I are no longer a couple? Or must I just wait until time makes it clear that we are no longer together? While this is obviously a difficult time for the two of us, I do not want it to be unnecessarily awkward for others.
Dear Newly Single:
First, how thoughtful of you to consider the impact your breakup might have on others. Etiquetteer admires your consideration of keeping social interactions free from embarrassment; so many people don’t bother.
Rather than announcing your new status on social media*, you would be more thoughtfully served by telling friends when they ask about your ex or ask you to pass on some news to her. “You know Pat and I aren’t a couple any more, so if you want her to know about your party, you’d better reach out to her directly.” Invariably people will ask what happened, which is none of their business. Cut them off with “We decided that it was better to be friends instead.” The grapevine will take care of the rest.
Etiquetteer wishes you a smooth and sympathetic transition.
*Facebook still has the option to declare one’s relationship status, and followers see it automatically. But it isn’t required to use that feature.