1) Genuinely touched by all the support after my public Change of Relationship Status on ye Fycebykke yesterday. So many friends, so many good wishes, so much curiosity about Who This Man Is. Now is the time to introduce you to Carl.
1a) One quick caveat: I have the right to tell my story, but not anyone else’s. So if I’m light on details, it’s out of consideration for everyone else involved.
2) The short version: a mutual friend from my Ballet days suggested I check out his friend’s new podcast about the Gilded Age (the era, not the HBO series). Early in January I finally did, and I was very impressed. As suggested in every episode, I emailed with some possible topics for future episodes. Two days later he responded (from his private email) “Our mutual friend has been telling me about you for years!” By the end of his message I was sure any future communication would not be of a professional nature.
2a) Daily email led to Zoom afternoon tea, Zoom dinner, and then to his taking the train up to Boston in early February for the day just so we could meet; he’s based in New York. I took him to lunch at the Oak Room, where the conversation never flagged. Over a month after that lunch, I’d say the conversation still hasn’t flagged.
2b) He spent a long weekend with me in Boston over Presidents Day, and I just returned from a few days with him in New York. We are starting to work out how to do this regularly.
3) Carl’s podcast is The Gilded Gentleman, and it’s superb; subscribe now please (and thank you). He is not on ye Fycebykke. A Maine native who lived for a few years in Boston, he’s long established on the Upper West Side. Like me, he can be everything from stately to silly, usually in only a few seconds. He is considerate and thoughtful in ways I can only hope to emulate after a lot of practice.
4) I have stopped listing all the similarities and coincidences because there are so many — besides, they appear ever green if I can go absentminded now and then. We are both affiliated with 19th-century house museums (mine is the Gibson House Museum, his is the Merchants House Museum). Another Gibson House affiliate was one of Carl’s coworkers when he was in Boston. Afternoon tea is as important a part of his day as the cocktail hour is to mine. We both love china, and my grandmother’s strongly resembles his mother’s china from childhood. We have both been to Venice, and we both bought capes when we were there. We both love opera, and I actually attended performances in Boston back in the 1980s in which he performed as a super or chorister. (Earlier reports that he sang in Back Bay Chorale were mistaken on my part; one of his friends sang in the Chorale, while he sang with another chorus.)
5) I am 58 years old and have never had a boyfriend. How on earth is this happening?! First, I didn’t reach out with any idea of romance; as God is my witness, this was only about the podcast (and possible collaboration with Etiquetteer). Second, I had really and truly given up on the idea of a lifelong love, particularly as I’m so firmly established in middle age. And third, as lovely as this new relationship is, I can’t know how long it will last; this gives me the freedom to enjoy what we have without anxiety about being thought Good Enough for marriage or a lifetime commitment. That may sound callous, but when you consider how much I was raised on the Happily Ever After myth and the (beautiful) example of my own parents’ marriage . . . this is a sea change for me, and I’m not ungrateful.
6) Being old and inexperienced is different from being young and inexperienced. Learning how to walk down the street holding hands is delightful. Learning not to barrel forward when rolling a suitcase in one hand, leaving Carl 12 paces behind, quite another. Oopsie.
7) So . . . I didn’t expect 2022 to begin like this, and I’ll bet most of you never expected to hear me say I was in a relationship. No matter how many other good things may crowd into this year, they won’t be any better than this unexpected gift.
Waiting for my train back to Boston yesterday afternoon.