Years ago, in one of her many excellent books, Judith Martin wrote that American ceremonies were now all based on the Super Bowl, the Academy Awards, and one other which Etiquetteer just cannot remember*. This was written well before the Met Gala became the powerhouse event it is today. It could be argued (by those who care to — Etiquetteer does not) that it’s more important than any of the awards shows. And to read all the chatter about it proves that the Met Gala fulfills all the definitions of the word spectacle: it is “something exhibited to view as unusual, notable, or entertaining” as much as it is “an eye-catching or dramatic public display,” and especially for Those Who Disapprove, “an object of curiosity or contempt.”
To the latter group, Etiquetteer has this to say:
The Met Gala isn’t a traditional formal event, but a costume party. The goal of (most of) the attendees is not to appear as ladies and gentlemen**, but to attract attention. It’s less elegance and more exhibitionism. This is why so many people arrive dressed in ensembles giant enough for the Ziegfeld Follies, or a half step away from the nude beach. Suspend your disbelief, dahlings, and pop another antacid. “One good burp and you’ll be rid of that Met Gala!”
Overall, Etiquetteer was able to Relax and Enjoy the Flight. That said, Etiquetteer has Things to Say about three aspects of the evening:
What a Gentleman Wears: The Met Gala is a costume party, but it’s a black tie costume party. Traditional black tie will be the exception and not the rule, and it will be seen more on executives (Jeff Bezos) than on entertainers (Jeff Goldblum). But Etiquetteer still wants to see all the Perfectly Proper elements of black tie in place, and not mixed up with bits of white tie. Chris Hemsworth in an all-cream suit with an open-necked shirt? Undeniably handsome, but that’s for before five o’clock, honey. Josh O’Connor’s burlesque of a tailcoat won’t age well.
Deportment: Marlene Dietrich memorably said “Careful grooming may take twenty years off a woman’s age, but you can’t foot a flight of stairs.” You may look stunning in that skintight gown with 14-foot train, but if you can’t walk upstairs without bending over and six attendants, your designers are working against you. An overlooked part of looking good on a grand staircase is being able to walk up it with a ramrod-straight back. It takes practice — especially if you’re wearing heels and dragging a big ol’ train behind you.
Go Bare, No One Cares: Etiquetteer agrees with Mireille Silcoff in The New York Times that the “nearly nude look” is a yawn. Possibly Doja Cat missed the memo most, appearing in a floor-length wet T-shirt. Online people are always interested in who did or didn’t “understand the assignment;” how this look evoked the evening’s “Garden of Time” theme Etiquetteer cannot discern. But it, and the other nearly nude looks, certainly evoked the evening’s purpose, exhibitionism. Etiquetteer would prefer, as the late Ignatius J. Reilly said, “a few deft and tasteful suggestions.”
So . . . that was fun! Now that the Met Gala is over for another year and we return to the daily terrifying anxiety of the early 21st century, Etiquetteer can only call on William Hazlitt to guide us to a More Beautiful Place: “Elegance is something more than ease; it is more than a freedom from awkwardness or restraint. It implies, I conceive, a precision, a polish, a sparkling, spirited yet delicate.”
Now go forth and sin no more.
*With lightning speed, a reader and dear friend has already reported that the Miss America Pageant is the third event Judith Martin listed (in 1994). That Etiquetteer couldn’t remember it only underscores how irrelevant Miss America has become.
**But that would help. Ahem.