Dear Etiquetteer:
Recently at the gym, while I was changing in the locker room, another member walked in Facetiming and stopped next to me. When I suggested he might want to take that call outside the locker room, he glared at me and said, “Why, what’s the big deal? I’m aiming the camera at me.” I persisted, suggesting that if he were feeling chatty (the language used on the placards posted on the lockers), it might be better to take it outside. He gave me another look and exited, returning a moment later, saying, “I ended the call for you; I hope you’re happy.” I gave him my best, sincere smile and said “Yes, thank you very much. I appreciate that.”
An hour later, having finished my workout, I went to the long counter of sinks to shave, only to find another member watching video on his phone, playing loudly enough to be heard over his running water and by all. This time I said nothing, shaved, and left.
Might I have done something different in the first case, and what would you recommend for the second?
Dear Flummoxed at Equinox:
Locker rooms are vulnerable environments, obviously. At home we undress, bathe and groom in privacy.* A locker room forces us into intimate proximity with strangers, and that means Basic Etiquette: Consideration for Others.
And at the top of that list needs to be No Technology. Why? First, because anyone who’s used the internet in this century is aware of ahem Clandestine Imagery taken in locker rooms and circulated without the knowledge or consent of the photographed. No one should be surprised that visible smartphones could make other people anxious about their security. Second, taking a call or listening to music without earbuds is just as rude in a locker room as it is anywhere else in public: restaurants, subways, checkout lines . . . any place. Thermae Bath Spa won’t let you past the front desk without locking up your phone and/or camera. It’s a policy worth considering.
Etiquetteer commends how you handled the first situation. It is so tempting to respond with a Snappy Comeback, e.g. “Is that for your OnlyFans?” or “Are you sure your wife doesn’t know we’re here?” But that is not Perfectly Proper, and it really will not do anything to help the situation.
As to the loud music of the shaver, you could have asked if he’d forgotten his earbuds and offered to get him a pair (if you had extras). But it might have taken more time and effort than simply shaving, dressing and leaving as you did. Certainly you should mention both experiences to the management so they are aware of What’s Really Going On in There.
Etiquetteer wishes you quiet and respectful camaraderie in the future.
*Or not, depending on the custom of the house. At Lewes House, the Sussex home of American antiquarian Edward Perry Warren, “. . . the bathroom was a truly communal spot. The bath was large enough to hold two men at a pinch, and when people returned from riding, games or exercise, the room would be full.” From Edward Perry Warren: The Biography of a Connoisseur, page 144.) It’s worth noting that there probably wasn’t a telephone in there, and people weren’t bringing their cameras in either.