Dear Etiquetteer:
How does one deal with a friend who insists on using his influence to get a position for someone who does not want the particular job? It is all the more awkward because the friend is relentless in pressuring his own contacts to try and “help.”
Dear Careerist:
What most concerns Etiquetteer about this is your use of the word “relentless.” Your Meddling Friend is likely as much a nuisance to his contacts as he is to the person he wants to place with them. Persistent, over-enthusiastic references sometimes do more harm than good* — especially in this case. The current situation can only end badly for the Meddler. Should his contacts actually approach that person about the position, and be declined (which seems likely), the Meddler will only look like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Which may be the case.
Candor is not always Perfectly Proper, but sometimes there is simply no other way. The unwilling recipient of the Meddler’s good intentions needs to thank him for his interest, but that NO, that position/company is not how that person chooses to continue his or her career. “I have no plans to leave my current job” or “I’m pursuing other options that I’m not at liberty to discuss right now” ought to satisfy anyone. If the Meddler protests, gently call him out on it. “There are many paths a career can take, and I’m surprised you’re so invested in me making this particular choice, especially since I’ve told you I’m not interested. Tell me more about that.” Firm and continued persecution on those lines — keep him on the jump answering questions about his own choices — should make the Meddler retreat.
Etiquetteer wishes you, as Sidney Greenstreet so economically expressed it in The Maltese Falcon, “plain speaking and clear understanding.”
*Etiquetteer heard of a case once when a long-departed colleague who had not been heard from in many years blanketed an office with fulsome praise for a candidate. Apparently the colleague’s blandishments did not have the desired effect. This is a good argument for staying in more constant communication with former colleagues. People are more kindly disposed if they hear from you when you are not looking for favors, too.