Earlier this year The New York Times published a piece Etiquetteer never expected to see from the Grey Lady: “Private Dinner Party: No Clothes Allowed.” Excuse me? Artist and model Charlie Ann Max began the Füde Dinner Experience in 2020 during the pandemic — a time we’ve all tried new things, but not perhaps entertaining au naturel.
But This Sort of Thing has been going on for a very long time — and no, Etiquetteer does not mean the ancient world. Jan Gay leaves a delightful account in her book On Going Naked of a nude dinner party for six women — like the Füde Dinner Experience, in a Manhattan artist’s loft — on a warm evening before air conditioning.* Reclining on low couches in imitation of a female statue in the gallery, “the only interruption was the occasional entrance of waiters from the restaurant downstairs with successive courses which obliged us to disappear hastily beneath tapestries and couch-covers until the servants had gone. It was a hilarious dinner party.”
Really, things are so much simpler when you don’t have to worry about what to wear, aren’t they Well, not quite. Etiquetteer has a few tips in case you want to attempt this in the privacy of your own home.
For the host
Managing expectations is always important, but especially when all the clothes come off. Specify the dress code in advance, whether it’s clothing-optional or if clothing is not an option.
Expect questions, especially from guests who have never attended such a thing before in all their born days. Be patient.
One question may be about photos. Etiquetteer thinks a safer and more comfortable evening is assured if photos, and phones, are not permitted. Be sure your guests know in advance.
If someone you invite absolutely declines, for whatever reason, it’s bad form to press them further. Accept their response graciously. This includes a last-minute cancellation.
On the day of the dinner, you’ll need to prepare a separate room (usually a bedroom) where your guests can disrobe and leave their clothes. Depending on the number of people attending, you might want to provide separate tote bags, or ask guests to bring one.
Cover the furniture, and be sure your curtains are securely closed. Candlelight creates a welcoming atmosphere, and adding pink candleshades is even more flattering.
Whoever is doing the cooking at least needs to wear an apron! And indeed, don’t answer the door disrobed; you really cannot know if it’s one of your guests or someone else.
FOR THE GUESTS
It’s OK to feel a bit anxious.
This is definitely one of those nights when people will know if your socks have holes in them, so choose a pair that’s intact.
Bring a towel to sit on. This is helpful if the hosts haven’t actually covered the furniture (but they should). Spare the towel and spoil the slipcover.
When you disrobe, fold and stack your things tidily; don’t just leave them in a pile. Bring a tote bag if you wish.
So often we’re taught to keep our hands in our laps during dinner, but you may want to rethink that.
And really, keep your hands to yourself.
Absolutely no photos without the consent of all present, starting with your host.
Any time you speak with someone, your focus should be on their eyes. It’s just like any other party. Don’t stare.
And as at any party, the most important preparation you can make is to be ready to talk with other people, including people you don’t know. If you can be ready for some conversational give and take, you’ll be readier to enjoy the occasion, whatever you’re (not) wearing.
*At least before 1932, when On Going Naked was published.