Dear Etiquetteer:
How does a hostess convey to guests that it is time for them to leave? Seven until one is a bit long.
Dear Hostess:
A six-hour dinner party can feel taxing, especially if you’re the one doing the dishes. Consider setting an expectation when you invite people by adding an end time — and then expect people to leave no later than one hour after that. If you say “Come over for dinner from 7:00-10:00 PM,” it’s reasonable to expect people to leave by 11:00 PM. Etiquetteer would not recommend an end time of less than three hours from your start. A dinner party is more about conversation than the menu, and less than three hours will make your diners feel they have to “dine and dash.”
But that’s cold comfort at midnight as the conversation drags on. Here you can attempt the Letitia Baldrige Approach, which she shared in Lesley Blume’s Let’s Bring Back. Stand in the center of the room, call everyone’s attention, and insist that the city will shut down tomorrow if everyone present doesn’t go home for a good night’s sleep immediately. Of course she was entertaining Beltway Insiders, but your guests may find it flattering.
A Great Big Yawn ought to do the trick, but the most obvious sign that it’s Time to Go is when you (and your co-host, if any) begin clearing the table and washing the dishes. Accept or decline offers of assistance as you choose.
Many years ago, Etiquetteer attempted to end a cocktail party that had gone on too long by playing Mozart’s “Queen of the Night” aria by that immortal American singer Florence Foster Jenkins. One beloved but obtuse party guest asked point blank “What on earth did you put that on for? Don’t you realize everyone will leave?” Even the Glare of the Basilisk didn’t work on this one!
If dishwashing doesn’t work (and if it doesn’t you may reconsider inviting those guests again), just hand them their coats with an “I’m so sorry you have to go, but it’s been a lovely night.” Finally, Etiquetteer has a vague memory of a 1980s Susan Orlean article in the Boston Phoenix. Faced with the very last party guests — three women dancing in a trance to no music with all the lights on — the bathrobe-clad hostess had to hold a match over their coats to get them to leave.
Etiquetteer wishes you charming dinner guests who know How to Take a Hint.
