Bibliophiles enjoy nothing more than rearranging their books — possibly even more than reading them. And so with National Library Shelfie Day today, Etiquetteer passed an interesting time going through the dozens of volumes generally shelved under Etiquette, but which include some unexpected titles or subjects. Herewith, a small selection from each subsection for your amusement.
THE CLASSICS: Eleanor Roosevelt’s Book of Common Sense Etiquette might be the most obscure part of her substantial legacy. Certainly her reputation as a terrible housekeeper at the White House is more well known than this thoughtful, helpful volume. Perhaps uniquely, she includes a chapter on patriotism. “During the past forty or more years of world tension and trouble, we have often heard the words: “One hundred per cent American,” and “The American Way of Life.” These expressions are so general and vague that they probably mean many different things to different people. I have found that with some people they are used with a considerable sense of smugness and superiority coupled with an intolerance of people of other nations. All of us, and these people in particular, should remember that no amount of flag-waving, pledging allegiance, or fervent singing of the national anthem is evidence that we are patriotic in the real sense of the word.”
HOME ENTERTAINING: Entertaining in Washington, by Lucy Moorhead, is a valentine to her peer Washington hostesses when she was a Congressional wife. Men are hard to come by in this essentially feminine volume, “Full of froth and charm” according to the dust jacket. But “international bachelor” Michael Edwards is persuaded to share some of his party-giving tips, one of which is “Ganymedes.” “‘If you’re serving food and not just drinks, you need one bartender or waiter for ten or so. If you get over sixteen or eighteen people, you need two waiters to pick up. I often hire children of friends, which seems to go very well . . . ‘ My son Billy tells me Michael refers to these assistants as ‘Ganymedes.’ Ganymede was the only mortal allowed to serve the Greek gods.” That is a discreet way to disguise that Ganymede was kidnapped by the gods because of his “unusual beauty.”
LADIES FASHION: Etiquetteer does seem to go back to My Way of Life by Joan Crawford a lot, but Talking Through My Hats, the madcap memoir of Mad Hatter Lily Daché is actually a great deal more fun. “You may laugh if you like, but I say to you that hats play an important part in many things, and especially in romance. I have seen this proved, and after twenty years, I know it is true.” Best advice from Mme. Daché? “Next time do not be afraid to be frivolous.”
EDGY TITLES: Etiquetteer reviewed F*cking Good Manners by Simon Griffin in Volume 20. It remains a bracing read full of heavily spiced sensible advice.
CORRESPONDENCE: Lady and Gentleman’s Letter Writer and Guide to Politeness of 1863 contains sample correspondence on a wide variety of subjects, from business to courtship, as well as a lengthy section on “American Etiquette.” “Avoid a loud tone, particularly if speaking to ladies. By observing men of the world, you will perceive that their voices, as it were involuntarily, assume a softness as they address the sex; this is one of the most obvious proofs of intimacy with good society.”
RESTAURANTS AND NIGHT LIFE: Something about well-dressed well-behaved night life has always appealed to Etiquetteer, which is why Stork Club: America’s Most Famous Nightspot and the Lost World of Café Society by Ralph Blumenthal has such an honored place. Sherman Billingsley made getting past that gold chain at the door as difficult as possible, and he did have rules when you were lucky enough to get in (for instance, he absolutely forbade table-hopping). But the Stork Club represented Glamor for Americans throughout the world, and continues in this century to stand as a symbol of Manhattan night life.
HOUSEKEEPING AND SERVANTS: After her marvelous book Servants, Lucy Lethbridge put together Mind Your Manors: Tried-and-True British Household Cleaning Tips so we could see How They Did It. You may want to avoid housework yourself (Etiquetteer certainly does!), but discovering that you can clean a copper pan with a squeezed lemon and cooking salt, and how to operate early vacuum cleaners, provides an important appreciation of those who make life more Perfectly Proper for the rest of us.
ETIQUETTE FOR GENTLEMEN: The Gentry Man: A Guide for the Civilized Male, The Best of Gentry Magazine, 1951-1957 brings us back to the Perfectly Proper Gentleman on the Go of the mid-century, a sharp dresser who kept himself in shape and knew the latest about autos and art, cocktails and outdoor cooking. An invaluable portrait of the period of the Assured for the Aspirational.
CHILDREN’S BOOKS: What to Do When Your Mom or Dad Says . . . Be Kind to Your Guest! by Joy Berry guides young children through the hows and whys of inviting friends over to play. Delightfully illustrated with the cartoons of Bartholomew, there’s a big emphasis on consideration for others and sharing.
RANDOM: Mayflower Manners: Etiquette for Consenting Adults by the Mayflower Madam Herself, Sydney Biddle Barrows, with Ellis Weiner, is revolutionary for its period. The sentence “. . . we submit that good manners are, if anything, even more important in the bedroom than the dining room” could never have been written by Ms. Barrows’s predecessors. Published in 1990, it is also of its period in the way it addresses dating technology with its chapter on “Computer Bulletin Boards,” “a new and very stylized way for people to meet, greet, talk, flirt, and offend one another.” The technology has advanced significantly since then; unfortunately the behavior of most people hasn’t.