Etiquetteer was just reflecting morosely over the morning coffee that today and tomorrow mark what turned out to be Etiquetteer’s Last Hurrah before the pandemic quarantine Changed Everything. That joyful occasion was the Leap Day Pink Tea celebrating the 40th birthday of the History Project, in the front room at a favorite restaurant, Carrie Nation. Who would think that a late afternoon cocktail party for 70 or so people would become an extinct social form?
The pandemic has brought numerous challenges to Perfect Propriety on every front: grieving, childcare, dating, social distancing (especially interacting with those who have opposing views), the Zoom meeting vs. the Zoom party, adapting (or not) to technology, worship, grooming, dining out, tipping, what we wear (or don’t, whether it’s pants or a face mask) — and now vaccine status (on which Etiquetteer will have more to say in a future column). Not everyone is meeting this daunting set of challenges with Perfect Propriety, or even wants to.
Today Etiquetteer is feeling most the slow fading away of relationships outside the core circle. The people you saw only on vacation, or in the coffee line, or at a favorite restaurant. The people whose theatre subscriptions were on the same night as yours, or that you could count on seeing every year at that one charity event. Maybe it’s because the Leap Day Pink Tea was just a year ago that this is top of mind today; Etiquetteer has only seen two of the people from that party in person since then.
It feels different to maintain these impromptu or annual interactions in other ways — self-conscious in a way. But etiquette has to adapt, especially now, and that might mean messaging via social media, or a good old-fashioned Perfectly Proper Lovely Note. The post office used to declare April National Card and Letter Writing Month; even if they stopped, there’s no reason for us not to make a special effort to reach out with pen and ink then — or even now!
How is everyone coping? Etiquetteer continues to block and delete trolls rather than engage with them, refrains from reading the comments section of 98% of news stories, remains very cautious about social distancing, and has created daily and weekly anchors. The daily includes 15-30 minutes of reading in the morning and the 5 PM cocktail hour. For the weekly, Etiquetteer enjoys a Friday Facetime with a core group and a Sunday check-in with an out-of-state friend. Not least, the Dress Dinner Challenge is an opportunity to remember what a Perfectly Proper dinner can be, test a few new recipes, and keep the good stuff from feeling neglected in the pantry.
One year in, you may still have questions of Pandemic Perfect Propriety, with new or challenging situations you didn’t think possible a year ago. Please take the time to let Etiquetteer know what that might be, for a column very soon. Use that same link if so inclined to share how you’re coping with the pandemic yourself. We all have much to learn, and share.
Etiquetteer wishes you Health, Safety, Patience, and Perfect Propriety as this pandemic adventure continues.